I'm prejudice against beautiful women.

I’m Prejudiced Against Beautiful Women

 

I feel like a teenage boy asking the homecoming queen to the prom. What a relief to say it out loud. It’s nice to admit when you have silly fears and prejudices that really aren’t so silly because they cripple your ability to make friends with perfectly good, and sometimes completely awesome, people. I am terrified of beautiful women and especially beautiful moms.

I don’t know when this prejudice of mine began or how it was formed, but today it reared its ugly head and for the first time I acknowledged it, examined it, and decided it was time for a change. Twice now, I have run into this beautiful, tall, blond mom during children’s events downtown. She is gorgeous, with perfect hair, perfect teeth, beautiful clothes, and a traffic stopping smile. Also, she is really nice. I mean REALLY nice. Her two daughters, one slightly younger than Tiny-Small and one slightly older, are perfect playmates. Tiny-Small adores them. She hugs them, she  dances with them, and she holds hands with them. Today, this mom came up to me and said hello and asked how we were. We chatted a minute and then some distraction occurred and before I knew it I was shuttling Tiny-Small home for a nap. Later, Jim asked me why I didn’t exchange phone numbers with that mom because it seemed obvious, to him, that she was trying to make friends with me. I was a little stunned because my first thought was nobody that gorgeous would ever want to be friends with someone like me. Talk about being biased, right? Talk about judging people completely on appearances. I had a moment of utter clarity. Also, what did I mean by “someone like me”? I realized my insecurities have been stopping me from making friends. The worst part is I am holding myself back because I don’t think I am pretty enough to run with such an attractive crowd. I’m holding myself back because I am superficial and because I am assuming all attractive woman are superficial too. That is a hard pill to swallow. I’m not going to lie. I am more than a little disappointed in myself. I’m the first person to get up on my soap box and lecture people on not judging a book by its cover. Meanwhile, I am doing that all the time when it comes to beautiful people. All the time!

 

Still, I fear rejection. I feel like I am trying to get a date when I am out hoping to meet moms. Will I be the right kind of mom? Will I fit into their group of friends? Will I be too opinionated or not opinionated enough? Too old? Too young? Too much of one thing or another or maybe  too little of one thing or another? I’m intimidated by the moms with makeup, jewelry, hair styles, ironed clothes…mostly because around them I feel a little inadequate, like maybe I am doing this mothering thing all the wrong way. Of course, it has nothing to do with mothering. I never dressed that way before I had my daughter either. I just have different priorities. I spend the time I could be grooming drinking coffee and daydreaming. I don’t iron because I’d rather be reading or writing or painting. These are the same reasons my house is never spotless.

 

Maybe having different priorities is a good thing. Friends expose you to new ideas and new ways of living. They have different talents than you do. That’s part of what makes it fun. I could sure use a friend that knows how to put a wardrobe together or who can teach me how to use a blow dryer appropriately.  It’s occurred to me that some of these beautiful women may wish they could have the confidence I seem to have. Maybe they want to show up slightly wrinkled and wearing shoes that allow them to get down on the floor with their kids or climb on the monkey bars. Maybe they see my differences and talents in a positive way or maybe I am also making them feel inadequate with my outward attitude of who cares what other people think (even though on the inside I am not always so confident). Maybe we are all prejudging each other based on superficial things. Jim reminded me that beautiful people get lonely too. He wondered if maybe that beautiful, blond mom had just moved here and was having as much trouble meeting people as I was. Maybe she wants a quirky side-kick to get into mischief with. Someone she can be herself with. Someone who won’t care if her purse matches her shoes.

 

I’m making myself some “MOM” business cards so that the next time I run into this blond beauty I can hand her one. I think it’s time I stopped being prejudice. It’s time I stopped acting like a teenage boy asking the head cheer leader out on a date. I’m not in high school anymore. I’m an adult woman, with a lot to offer to other moms. All of those beauties out there have a lot to offer me too. Nobody enjoys being treated like just a pretty face. Besides, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. It’s time I got my behavior in line with my beliefs…and stopped being such a coward.

13 thoughts on “I’m Prejudiced Against Beautiful Women”

  1. Just read this, and I too loved this post. Made so much sense, and is so relatable. I have judged and have been pre-judged.
    But I realize every mom is in some way walking around doing it. So that is atleast the start of what we can have in common, if nothing else.
    Good luck with the new mom card idea. I too feel like trying to make new mom friends is like a date or job interview.
    And remember this when nervous- I work in an office, I always dress nice to work, straighten my hair,and apply makeup every day. The second I get home I take off my office clothes off, throw my old sweats on, and get lazy. I am a slob, who passes gas like a man and still laughs at it like a little kid. I think anyone who judged me in my 'office attire' would die if they were a fly on my wall. 🙂 So just imagine the pretty moms in their house with dirty dishes and a case of bad flatulence.:) It'll make you smile!

  2. I totally get the date/interview thing when meeting new Moms!

    My daughter made a best friend in Preschool whose Mom is the example you’ve just described: Blond, Tall, Skinny, always dressed perfectly. I overcame my shyness because our daughters insisted on being playmates, and turned out she was recently divorced and unemployed. Despite the fact that her home does look like it came out of the pages of Pottery Barn, we have become friends:)

    1. We make so many assumptions about people based on our first impression of them. I think those assumptions probably say more about our own insecurities more than anything else. I try so hard to remember that!

      Still, how do those moms with Pottery Barn houses do it?! Seriously, I am not judging, I just want to know! I feel like they know something I don’t.

  3. That’s a fantastic realization!

    I’m on the reverse side of that. Some would consider me beautiful. It took me many lonely years and lots if snubbing by women to realize that it could even be an issue with other people. In my less confident years I always assumed there was something wrong with me.

    It still happens on occasion but now I don’t let it phase me and steer myself in a different direction.

    I have some incredible girlfriends who don’t care and I’m pretty happy they’re in my life.

    You never know. A great friendship could be waiting for you.

    1. It’s amazing how we can be snubbed for being beautiful and for not being beautiful enough.

      I’m glad you realized it had nothing to do with YOU. Great friendships are worth being open for. Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your perspective. I really appreciate that! Unfortunately, I haven’t run into this woman again, but I keep that moment in my mind and try not to let my own insecurities get in my own way anymore. I’m a work in progress! 🙂

  4. Lillian, your posts are enjoyable to read and your art is beautiful. I just stumbled into your site through one of your blogs when looking up information on a seminar I plan to attend. How funny. (That review was helpful by the way, although I already wanted to attend) I love it when my journey leads me down a path that allows me to discover a whole new destination. I am going to come back to visit your Etsy store, and think about buying a canvas that caught my eye. Beautiful.
    And I guess I should comment on this post a little, as it originally intended to do 🙂
    Your thoughts on how you found yourself reacting to beautiful woman well they are universal. But I love how you faced it and did the self discovery. I believe I came to the same realization simply with age. And one last thing. I too am a coffee drinking day dreamer versus the take time for beauty type. That made me smile.
    And kudos to you for following your real passion and doing what you are doing. Not all of us are as brave. But as I get close to retiring and leaving the profession I do not feel passionate about, I do get excited to think about ‘becoming something new’
    Thank you for the inspiration. Valerie

    1. Valerie,

      Thank you so much for this comment. You have no idea how much I needed to read this in this very moment! I appreciate you taking the time to write it.

      You will enjoy the seminar. The topic is a difficult one, but the presenter is so humorous. You will be laughing all the way through it!

      I am so glad you stumbled into my blog. I hope I get to hear more about your journey as you transition into retirement and onto a new life. I hope it is one filled with passion and space for you to test your own bravery! It’s nice to know I am not the only coffee drinking daydreamer out there.

  5. That’s a really interesting perspective because, you’re right, we do consider beautiful women to be shallow! So unfair! I love the Mom business cards idea! I’ve a feeling you two are going to hit it off really well!!

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