This morning Jim put the silverware away. Go, Jim, go!
Gosh darn it.
This isn’t right, but it does explain a few other things around here. We have a problem with closets and cabinetry that has doors, slides shut, or can be closed in any imaginable way. Problems as in, we fill them to maximum capacity and then quickly shove the door closed before anything falls out, gets stuck, or gets squished.
If I was smarter I’d have the shower scene music from the movie Psycho playing in the background for the next two photos. I am not that smart though, so you’ll just have to use your wily imaginations:
|The Desk: Exhibit A|
Yes, that is a pink, stuffed poodle chair on the top of my desk and to the left. Lucy (the dog) kept sitting in it and making Tiny-Small cry and scream. This prompted me to throw it atop the pile and exclaim, “If you can’t share then nobody gets to sit in it!” Tiny-Small is tired of having four legged sisters. I am tired of not being able to use my desk for what it was intended for. All you Type-A types out there, go ahead and feel smug and superior right now. You are vastly superior to me in every possible way (except I would win if the contest was for “Most Disorganized” because, well, I am obviously an expert in that department). Also, feel free to contact me if the urge to come and organize me, my family, or my closet becomes so strong that you can no longer ignore it. I will welcome you with open arms. Seriously: I will hug you, kiss you, and make you totally uncomfortable with my gratitude.
The hall closet: Exhibit B
I clean the closet out every two weeks and two weeks later it’s back to it’s old ways. I blame the gremlins that live under the stairs. Jim blames the lack of closets in the master bedroom. Tiny-Small thinks it is an amusement park and rubs her hands together while squealing, “Goody, goody, goody!” anytime the door gets left open. It’s a jungle in there! Coat hangers beware! Watch out for falling kitchen appliances. It may also be raining cats and dogs in there, but that is another story all together.
Finally, I cleaned off and cleaned out my desk (just don’t look in the closet located in our office/library). It was a catch-all for all of the junk that needed to be stored someplace…anyplace. I am sitting at it right now, happily typing away. It feels good to have space. Luxurious, empty space.
So, not sure what the point of this exercise in exhibitionism was, except to say Jim can’t be trusted to put the silverware away in the correct slots, but nobody is really complaining because everybody hates silverware duty. Actually, I am complaining loudly, but nobody seems to be able to hear me. There seems to be some type of contagious deafness epidemic affecting our family at the moment. Either that, or I have some rare form of laryngitis that prohibits others from hearing me, but allows me to still hear my own voice when I speak.
Obviously, I can’t be trusted to keep my desk neat or to use it correctly and intentionally (who wants to pay bills?) and the closet, well, who to blame for the closet disaster remains a little, family mystery. At least, that is what we like to tell ourselves around here. It makes it a little easier to get along. Also, we apparently have an urge to air our “dirty laundry” publicly and on the Internet. Or, at least I do. I am sure Jim wants no part in this one.
Hopefully, when I apply for a job in the future and list “well organized” and “impeccable attention to details” on my resume or job application my future employers won’t Google me and discover this atrocious representation of my so-called skills. Fingers crossed here. I may have to assume an alternative identity if I ever want to work in this town again.
If you ever come to my house please don’t open any doors, cabinets, or drawers. It might be hazardous to your health to do so. Things often fall from the sky, land on your head, and explode at your feet. I wish I were kidding, but you have seen the pictures. Don’t tell me you weren’t warned.