Let’s talk chores here. Tiny Small just turned two and I have been trying to get her to pick up her clothes, books, toys, spilt milk, dropped grapes, shoes and broken crayons for days now. I have to say it’s not really going all that well. She usually just stares at me in disbelief when I beg her to mop up her mess or stack up her books. If she can find a way to clean up her mess that actually creates MORE of a mess, then, she is totally down with the whole “cleaning up” after herself thing. When she spills her milk I hand her a towel and say, “Here ya go. Clean it up.” She takes the towel, throws it on the ground and then smears the milk around with her foot. After a couple of minutes of that she picks up the wet towel, throws it on the chair, the couch, or the dog and then walks off leaving milk footsteps in her wake. Yes, it is maddening. Yes, she is two. Yes, I am her mom. AND: Yes, I need a vacation.
But, she LOVES to help with the laundry and so now, Tiny Small finally has one chore we can all agree upon. She has become the laundry queen. Toddler of the bath towel. Baby of the clean underwear and child of the sweat-stained sock. She is “Master of the Anti-Sort League” and princess of the “everything looks better when it is slightly pink” club. She is a child after my own heart.
Step 1: Stare at the laundry for a while. Make sure mom wasn’t lying when she said, “Laundry doesn’t do itself.”
Step 2: Arrange laundry in the dryer precisely. If necessary, take it out, drop it on the floor, step on it and then put it back in.
Step 3: Repeat step 2 several times. Then scream (loudly) when told to close the door. While screaming, pull laundry back out of dryer and repeat step 2 again.
Step 4: Make sure the dryer light is working properly. Push the button in as many times as possible to verify that the light goes off when the door is closed. Refuse to move, at all costs, when mom tries to close the door. This is the most important step. Once door is closed, throw entire body on the ground and kick and scream until mom offers to let you push the button and start the dryer.
There you have it. We have started a laundry empire. Tiny Small will be ruler for life. Eventually, she will move away and have to be replaced. Until then, I’m going to put my feet up and admire all of the piles of somewhat clean laundry surrounding me and hope the dryer light button never, ever, ever breaks.