How to shower in a public bathroom while camping if you are six years old: An Instructional Manual.
Step 1: Run to the bathroom as fast as you can, confident your mother has brought everything you need.
Step 2: Attempt to input door code slowly, twice.
Step 3: Cry that you input door code too slowly and it won’t open.
Step 4: Tell mom to open the door.
Step 5: Run as fast as you can into bathroom.
Step 6: Say hello to all the people as if they have been waiting for you to arrive.
Step 7: Listen to mom tell you to go into shower stall, but ignore her until she says it at least three times.
Step 8: Hit the button on the air dryer for fun.
Step 9: Enter shower stall.
Step 10: Loudly exclaim that “…it smells like poop in here.”
Step 11: Remove clothing as slowly as possible.
Step 12: Get in shower.
Step 13: Complain it is too hot.
Step 14: Get out of shower.
Step 15: Get back in shower.
Step 16: Complain it is too cold.
Step 17: Get out of shower.
Step 18: Get back in shower and pretend to wash body with soap until mom looks furious.
Step 19: Use the soap to draw on shower wall.
Step 20: Yell at mom that you are washing your body.
Step 21: Declare body clean and demand mom wash hair.
Step 22: As soon as shampoo hits hair scream that you have to pee and run out of shower, through bathroom, past grandma’s who gasp at your nakedness, and enter toilet stall.
Step 23: return to shower.
Step 24: Say loudly, “I decided to pee in the shower instead.” Then ask, “Don’t you do that at home too, Mom?” as loudly as possible.
Step 25: Rinse soap and shampoo off.
Step 26: Get out of shower and realize mom forgot your towel.
Step 27: Dry wet body on mom’s T-shirt.
Step 28: Put clothes on.
Step 29: Scream while mom attempts to brush hair.
Step 30: Pretend you are dying from hair brushing.
Step 31: Unlatch shower stall and run for camp with tangled, wet hair flowing down back.
Step 32: Yell, “You’re mean!” to mom while running away.
Step 33: Completely ignore mom as she says she may never take you on vacation again.
Step 34: Roll around on dirty floor or ground as soon as possible.
Step 35: Avoid taking another bath for almost a week.