Ninja Skills Required For Work At Home Mom

I need ninja skills to work from home. I have to be sneaky. I have to be quiet. I have to be fast. My family seems to have a sixth sense about whenever I sit down in front of the computer to write. They know. I don’t know how, but they know.

I can clean the kitchen, sweep the floor, wash the dishes, scrub the toilets and there is not a single peep out of any of them, but as soon as I sit down they need something. A phone number. A lost shoe. A drink of milk. A toy. Sometimes they even need to be let outside to pee and then let back in again. Four-legged family counts too, right?

The other day I could not get anything done so I gave up. Jim would head to work, eventually Tiny-Small would go to bed, and there would be a 90 minute window starting about 8:30 pm where I’d just have to type really fast. I knew I could do it so I let it go, put my work aside,  and went off to play with Tiny-Small for the day.

As soon as her head hit the pillow that night I jumped on the computer. I went straight to my blog. That’s when I noticed I wasn’t connected to the Internet. So I ran over to my Internet machine (whatever that thing is called) and noticed it was frozen and blinking so I unplugged it and plugged it back in and waited for the Internet to come back on. Finally, success! So I started typing, but then the Internet was off again. It does this when we have cloudy weather, rain, or just because it feels like it. I ran back over to the Internet machine and unplugged it and plugged it in again. It came back on briefly and then of course it went off again. I unplugged it again and plugged it back in again.

So irritating.

Finally it started working again and I started typing. Yay!

But, before I knew it, Jim was home. He was early! He came over to my desk and started talking about his day. I tried to keep typing. He talked and talked. Then my Internet went out again. I ran over to the machine unplugged it and plugged it back in. Jim talking the whole way. When the Internet came back on I started typing quickly and Jim went off to find his dinner.  I took a deep breath. If I just concentrated I knew I could knock the rest of the post out and have it up on the blog by morning. Except, at that moment, I heard a very loud cry.

Tiny-Small was up.

I got her some water, tucked her back in, and ran back to my desk. As soon as I sat down, I noticed the Internet was off again. At this point I wanted to cry, but instead told myself, “Tomorrow is a new day.” I turned my laptop off and went to bed.

The next morning I finished my post with Tiny Small standing behind me on my chair putting Princess crowns on my head. I can type through anything. I can blog through any adversity. Just don’t depend on me to keep a schedule. I can never predict what shenanigans will go on over here or when I will be able to sit down without my family finding out. I really have to learn to move like a ninja and invest in better Internet.

I was thinking about how someone would advertise for my “job” and I am pretty sure it would say, “Wanted: Work At Home Mom (Non-Ninjas need not apply).” Except that might be a double negative. Maybe it should say, “Wanted: Work At Home Mom With Grammatical Expertise (Non-Ninjas need not apply).


6 thoughts on “Ninja Skills Required For Work At Home Mom”

  1. Trying typing on a Word doc, then it won’t matter if you’re online or not. Then cut and paste.

    Also, I tried to use Siri to dictate a blog post with the microphone on my ipad… Did you know Siri can ‘cus? She planted an f-bomb where she didn’t hear me clearly.

  2. I am a total ninja. I suppose that means I’m ready to have tiny humans of my own, right? Except. You know…Not now. Because we just bought a house. And I’m freakin’ exhausted. And I need a nap. And I hear naps are gone when you have tiny humans.

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