There Is A Couch In My front Yard

There is a couch in my front yard and as if that is not bad enough it is raining. My husband is laughing as I lament our slow decline into what my elders used to delicately refer to as “white trash.”

The only thing worse than a couch on your porch is one on your lawn. When the neighbors drive by and slow down a bit to stare I cringe. A little piece of my dignity dies. This is a humiliation I can barely bear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take it to the dump…eventually.” Jim chuckles in my general direction as he walks by. I look out the window and stare up at the rain clouds. They mock me with their raindrops. I watch as they land on my old, milk-stained, ripped, dog-haired couch.

Earlier my dog pushed open the front door, bolted to the couch, jumped on it, and then settled down as if he were going to take a nap. As if he were chaining himself to the couch in protest. He could not be consoled. He thinks the new couch smells funny and is missing all of the cozy lumps he’d become accustomed to. Even before that, I had watched Jim sit down on the couch, smile and say, “We can roast marshmallows from right here!” as he gestured toward the little charcoal grill that had been left on the front lawn since the fourth of July.

Moments later, Jim catches me still frowning out the window. He laughs again as he passes by.

Finally, I just walk away and pray the dump run comes sooner than I think.


11 thoughts on “There Is A Couch In My front Yard”

  1. Heh heh, I feel your humiliation 🙂 we had a couch on our porch one time for longer than I care to remember, complete with stains & pet hair. Definitely had to get rid of it when animals started picking out the stuffing for nesting material….so embarrassing when it’s the first thing a visitor sees.

  2. Hahahaha!! You are my kind of redneck. We have a stove on our back porch. It’s been there since we renovated our kitchen. In January 2012.
    I love that your dog went right back to his spot on the couch. He probably thinks it was an improvement. Outside to see the sights, doesn’t have to go far to pee… Just need to put his dog dishes out there and he’s set. It’s starting to sound like every man’s dream. 🙂

  3. Poor puppy! Maybe you can save a cushion & keep it for him to sleep on? Or maybe not — old couch+dog+soaking rain probably equals a not so fresh scent!

  4. I was totally just bouncing around blogs that are read by the authors of other blogs etc and I landed here and I may now be hooked. We have lived in our current house for almost 7 years, there was a couch on our porch for the first 5. We got rid of it when the cat here on the couch was not the same color as our cat.

  5. Oh I can see this happening at my house! My husband gets a cheap thrill watching my discomfort in these situations. The last time this happened we had move our new fridge in ourselves so the old one wasn’t taken away. It sat on the curb and it wasn’t picked up for a week. I was mortified!

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