No More Coffee?

No More Coffee?

Me: I am thinking about giving up coffee forever.

Jim: No More Coffee?

Me and Jim: Hahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahha!

Ok, that conversation only took place in my head, but I am pretty sure I know Jim well enough to know that his reaction would be obscene laughter if he ever heard me suggest such a thing. I’d laugh too. Plus it’s fun to write “Haha” over and over again like a madman from a B rated horror film. I am even laughing out loud like that right now because that is fun too. Sometimes even I want to pretend be a B-movie villan.

No More Coffee?
The altar I worship at.

You’d understand the coffee devotion if you lived with us, which I am sure you don’t really want to do, but we have TWO coffee makers taking up valuable counter space in our kitchen. Coffee is practically a religion around here with the glorious coffee mug enjoying false idol status.

I like to make a pot of coffee. Very strong coffee. The kind of coffee people complain about. Jim is fancy and must have espresso or he will cry like a baby all day long. OK, that was a small exaggeration, he wouldn’t actually cry like a baby, but he would complain profusely if he had to drink regularly brewed coffee every morning. That is the truth. To illustrate my point, we actually pack the espresso maker when we go on trips that require a hotel stay.

I like a pot of coffee because I sometimes like to drink it all day long. I have a love affair with coffee breath, and flavored coffees, and cream. I even love decaf on occasion. Plus, I don’t want to fiddle with the espresso maker. I need a machine I can work with my eyes closed, that automatically shuts off by itself, and that makes enough coffee for guests too. Otherwise, what will our guests complain about? We don’t want them getting any ideas about moving in with us if you know what I mean. So we scare them off with threats of growing hair on their chests on the first morning they wake up in the dome.

Really though, what can I say? I’m just as bad as Jim when it comes to coffee consumption, but for different reasons. The truth is, I am a lazy person who would rather have the extra three minutes to stand around all spacey like and watch deer out the window while sipping a hot beverage in the morning. Espresso is too hard to make with tampers and parts and button-turny-switch things. However, I’d drink espresso every morning too, if someone else made it, but I get up too early for that to happen. If only we had a Butler or could train the dog to do it. Or Tiny-Small…an option that may come true one day if things go as planned.

No More Coffee?
Dear Coffee, I Love You.

Have I mentioned we have an entire kitchen cabinet devoted to just coffee? Jim has a variety of coffee beans that he likes to ground…which is loud and annoying, but I get him back by using the blender as much as possible during the rest of the day.  I keep begging him to not buy another can of coffee until he finishes the vast collection of beans he already has, but he cannot resist a shiny, new can of deliciousness anymore than I can resist the entire art supply store, so I try not to complain too much about it. I don’t want him to notice I have an entire guest house filled to the brim with art stuff I got on clearance at Michaels. Shhhh…don’t look under anything. Luckily, Tiny-Small has one favorite drink and that is milk. Her beverage consumption is simple and takes up very little space. Unfortunately, she makes up for her simple drinking life with a sticker collection, a doll collection and enough fashion accessories to open her own store. We need more cabinets and closets desperately.

Giving up coffee forever is not really an option. I feel as strongly about coffee as some people do about their guns. You’ll have to pry my steaming cup of java from my cold, dead hands.

I’m pretty sure Jim feels the same way. Plus we both might be hoarders. I guess we are a match made in coffee drinking heaven.


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