Elf On The Shelf Epic Fail

Elf On The Shelf Epic Fail
What ever you do, don’t move.

Our Elf on the shelf hasn’t gotten off the shelf in five days. She hasn’t moved one single inch or drank an entire bottle of scotch while swimming in a Barbie jacuzzi. Nope, she’s made of stone like a kid caught in a never ending game of freeze tag. She’s just sitting on the piano holding onto the stocking holders for dear life. The worst part? I am pretty sure Tiny-Small is relieved our elf doesn’t move. She’s not exactly a fan of the elf on the shelf.

The first day the elf appeared Tiny-Small looked at me like I had lost my mind when I started waving to it. Tiny-Small told me the elf was a toy. She informed me that the elf couldn’t talk. She told me it wasn’t a real elf. She looked up at me with her big, blue eyes like I had grown a second head and I stopped mid wave to consider what she was telling me. When I told her the elf was magic and sent by Santa, Tiny-Small thought for a minute and then said, “That’s kind of creepy, Mom.” Then she said she didn’t want that elf in her room while she was sleeping. I looked at the elf and couldn’t blame her. I didn’t want to wake up and find that elf on the shelf staring at me either.

Elf On The Shelf Epic Fail: Playing Freeze Tag
Yep, that face is a little creepy.

So, I just let it go. Because, when I really thought about it, the elf on the shelf is a little creepy. While I had imagined putting the elf on zip lines, in parachutes, and riding in Barbies RV, I realized that was more for my benefit and enjoyment than for Tiny-Small anyway. I mean, I wanted to be in on the elf on the shelf phenomenon. I wanted to be in on the funny jokes. I wanted to sneak in with the popular grownups and be cool. The truth is, I mostly forget to move the Elf anyway and we don’t have a Barbie jacuzzi or a bottle of scotch. I am too tired most nights to construct a zip line, so this elf on the shelf fantasy of mine was probably doomed to be an epic failure right from the beginning. I mean, my intentions were good, but in reality, I probably wasn’t going to pull it off anyway. So, if Tiny-Small thinks it’s creepy and I am too tired to move the elf in a creative way most nights, and let’s not forget I’ve never been cool anyway, maybe the whole elf on the shelf epic fail is a blessing in disguise, right?

I guess for now, we will just put our imaginative energy into things that are still “real” in Tiny-Smalls mind…like mermaids, unicorns, and furry monsters. For some reason they are not creepy at all, plus I don’t have to move them every night. Win-win!


15 thoughts on “Elf On The Shelf Epic Fail”

  1. I totally don’t get the whole Elf on the Shelf thing either. Tiny-small is right. It’s creepy. The thought of Santa having little spies is bizarre. A friend of mine put theirs in the bathroom. I went to pee and was all “I can’t pee with that thing watching me!”.

    1. That is hilarious! When we went to see Santa his elves were all people. I’m pretty sure Tiny-Small was wondering why the elf in our house was short and made of plastic. Maybe she could be the next Bride of Chuckie?

  2. Your daughter is wise beyond her years! If it hadn’t been for Jack badgering me on getting an elf, I would have skipped the whole thing. Now? The boys wake up every morning to my encouraging them to go find their “creepy-ass elf” so we can hurry up and have breakfast. 😉

  3. Seriously. I think the only reason the elf even became “big” was because of bloggers, so it seems natural that you’d want one to be in with the blog crowd. But really, it’s not a “Christmas tradition.” Find me ONE grown up that had one as a kid and I’ll take it all back. Actually. I’m going to blog this shit. *exasperated sigh*

    You got me all riled up now!

    Good for Tiny Small!

    1. I stumbled upon this post and saw your comment. For my family, this is a tradition, although we didn’t call it “Elf on the Shelf.” My grandma (who is 84 years old) started this tradition for her kids (one of whom is my mom, who is 62). An elf would come to the house the day after Thanksgiving and it would stay until Christmas Eve night. The elves didn’t do crazy things like people do with the Elf on the Shelf now–it would just sit and watch to make sure we were behaving (and never in the bathroom!). My mom carried that tradition on with her children and all of us do it for our families now. I guess it is kind of creepy, now that I think about it, but it’s a big part of Christmas for our family.

      1. I have an old elf that looks similar to the elf on the shelf. It’s on my tree right now! I think it belonged to my Grandmother. I’ll have to ask my mom if she remembers anything about it. Of course, new traditions are probably born every minute and every family has it’s own traditions for the holidays. I’m just not very good at this one. I’m glad your family enjoys it. I get a kick out of seeing what other people are doing with their elves.

  4. I’m kind of lucky in that my oldest couldn’t care less about the elf on the shelf, and while my youngest might be into it, I don’t have to bother because her kindergarten teacher has one in the classroom. I don’t think she has kids of her own. 😉

    Because as Tiny Small so astutely pointed out – that thing is creepy.

  5. My elf arrived late this year and played a long game of freeze tag in our Christmas tree. I finally got off my bum and decided to move him around. I have been known to catch up and move him around several times a day. Opps, I let the cat out of the bag. The first year was easier and this year is harder because I try to come up with new and creative ideas.

    1. I think my problem is planning ahead. It’s the same problem I have with dinner. A lot of the ideas I see on Pinterest are too messy! I probably need to make a list of simple ideas so I know what I am doing ahead of time! I’m glad my elf isn’t the only elf that enjoys freeze tag!

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