Dear Awesome Readers,
It took me 20 minutes to write this title, for multiple reasons. First, I wanted to tell you about my experience with September 11th, but I decided to save that for another year. I’ve written my story of that day extensively in other forums, in classes, and in my personal memoirs. I decided instead to write about something silly and humorous today. I need to giggle. The solemnity of the day is just too hard to sustain without at least a small crack of light shining through. I have a feeling you will be inundated with hard to read stories all day long and maybe my blog can offer you a break from all of those difficult emotions you will likely be experiencing. I just want to quickly thank our military for protecting us (so I can write about ridiculous things) and for the first responders out there. Your jobs are tough and you show up with all kind of grace and courage on a daily basis. Thank you and your families for the sacrifices you have made and are still making today.
Please enjoy reading about how near impossible it is for me to write these days. I hope my tale makes you giggle too.
I sat down to write a blog post when Jim and Tiny-Small were both home and both awake. Big mistake! It took me 20 minutes just to type out the title.
I write with constant interruptions. It’s amazing any of this is coherent at all. I often wonder about how excellent my writing might be if I could lock myself in the bell tower. I am pretty sure, if I only had a bell tower, that I’d be writing the kind of literature taught in college classes across the country, or best selling horror novels, or maybe a newspaper column that the critics gush over. I mean this is my imagination talking so I might as well dream big, right?
This is what usually happens about 30 seconds after I sit down in front of my computer:
Jim: Where is the zinc? I can’t find the zinc.
Tiny-Small: I want to watch a movie.
Jim: Have you seen the zinc? Did you move it?
Tiny-Small: WATCH A MOVIE! Watch a movie!
Me: <Moves bottle, gets zinc. Turns on movie. Sits down>
Jim: Did I tell you about So and So? Blah, blah, blah….blah…he went to jail for 8 years.
Me: Wait, who was this?
Jim: Weren’t you listening?
Me: No, I was writing.
Jim: It’s annoying that you are never listening.
Me: I’m sorry. I was writing when you started talking. It’s hard for me to think, type, and listen all at the same time.
Jim: Well, he went to jail for 8 years.
Me: I got that part, but who? Who went to jail?
Jim: <rolls eyes> I just told you.
Tiny-Small: Not this movie! I don’t want this movie.
Me: I know, but that’s the part I missed.
Tiny-Small: I want to watch the one with the little yellow guy with one eye.
Jim: It was So and So…blah, blah, blah…
Me: That’s terrible. <Changes movie, sits down>
Tiny-Small: I want a sandwich.
Jim: <Keeps talking>
Tiny-Small and Jim at the same time: I want a (he was sentenced to 8 years in jail) sandwich! I want (I don’t know what his family is going to do) peanut butter on it!
Me: Makes sandwich, sits down.
Tiny-Small: I want milk.
Jim: Blah, blah, blah….
Me: <Gets milk>
Jim: Hello? Let me put you on speaker phone.
Me: <gives Jim the evil eye. I am trying to write!>
Jim: <smiles at me, oblivious that I am annoyed> *note to self: work on evil eye.
Tiny-Small: Uh Oh! Rosie eat my sandwich! I need a new one.
Me: <Puts Rosie outside, tries to participate in phone call conversation, makes new sandwich, sits down>
Tiny-Small: I need a napkin.
Me: <Gets napkin>
Jim: <Hangs up phone, goes to the bathroom, comes back bringing news magazine> Did you read about this guy that had a pet skunk that killed and ate him?
Me: Yeah, weird!
Jim: <Reads blurp from magazine anyway, sits down at the table directly across from me> Did you read about this kid that saved a bunch of baby eagles from a crocodile and then also found a cure for the flu all at the same time?
Me: Not yet.
Jim: <Reads story to me>
Me: <Starts to type>
Jim: Haha, look at this senator getting caught kissing a goldfish in central park while his dog peed on this ladies picnic basket.
Me: I need to get this writing done. Would you mind not talking for a few minutes? I’ll get done faster that way!
Jim: Oh sure, sorry! Can I just read this one to you?
Me: No, how about later? Sorry! I just really need to get this done. My readers probably think I have died. They are likely planning the funeral for “It’s A Dome Life” as we speak. The other bloggers are probably trying to lure my two faithful readers away! It’s too risky. I have to publish!
Jim: OK < Looks like he will die of broken heart disease, goes to the other room>
Me: <starts typing>
Tiny-Small: I’m done! I need a new dress. This ones dirty!
Me: <Gets new dress, helps her put it on, sits down>
Tiny-Small: I have to go pee pee.
Me: Quick, run to the bathroom!
Tiny-Small: Wipe my butt, Mom! Wipe my butt!
Me: <Wipes butt, sits down>
Me: <Answers urgent Facebook message from friend>
Tiny-Small: Play dolls with me! Hold my doll. Hold my doll!
Me: <Holds doll, types with one hand>
Tiny-Small: Get off puter! <hits random keys, downloads app for watching HD movies, completely changes all important settings, deletes entire post>
Me: <Scrambles for previous saved versions of blog post, finds one with only the title written, types while movie plays because I can’t figure out how to turn it off>
Jim: <comes back into kitchen> Are you still writing your blog post? I thought you’d be done by now. I wanted to tell you about how this teacher married a dog and got the conservatives all mad because they knew that would happen….
This is basically how each and every blog post is written, unless I am lucky enough to trick everyone into taking a nap at the same time or I get up so early it’s still the night before. So, the next time you see a typo or my run-on sentences don’t make sense you’ll know why. I probably had to find, make, or listen to something in the middle of writing every other sentence.
It’s kind of funny.
OK, it’s hilarious!
P.S. The story about So and So was completely fictional. If it resembles any real person that was completely by accident. The news stories were fabricated too. I would have told you the real news stories, but I wasn’t exactly listening (remember?) so I would have had to write “that guy that did that thing” instead and my made up stories were much more fun to write (and hopefully to read).
P.P.S. or P.S.S. (Whatever comes next) Tiny-Small says hi and that she wants ice sceam and a banana and to go on her swing set. I’m getting up again…talk to you soon. Don’t give away my furniture and donate all of my clothes to Goodwill yet 🙂