Paleo Diet: Plate Free Dining?

Dirty Dishes Are the thing of the past with the Paleo Diet
Dirty Dishes Are the thing of the past with the Paleo Diet

I’m not very good at diets, but I might try this Paleo diet I keep seeing all over Pinterest. Not for the reasons you’d suspect, probably, but because I hate washing dishes. If you don’t know what the Paleo diet is, just Google it.

I’ll wait.

I mean, I don’t fully understand it enough to tell you about it with my own words. Plus, I don’t really have an opinion on it being good or bad for your health. Seriously, this is the worst post ever written about the Paleo diet because all I care about is getting out of washing the dishes and Paleo fashion. I’m not actually going to say anything important about the diet. I’ll leave that to the food experts. Besides, I’m too busy planning my leopard print wardrobe and wondering which dog we could rename “Bam-Bam” or possibly “Pebbles.” I’d even consider changing my name to Wilma and naming my chicken Dino (she does look like a dinosaur).

I told you I wasn’t good at diets. I’m too easily distracted. Obviously.

Google the Paleo diet yet? OK, good.

Eat like a caveman. Kind of cool idea, right? I keep picturing myself dressed like Tarzan, well, maybe like Jane, gnawing on a giant turkey leg like they sell at the Renaissance fair. I’ll finally get a pet cheetah. I mean, pet chimpanzee named Cheetah. An actual cheetah would be insane. If I had an actual cheetah how would I walk it…or catch it when it ran away? I can barely keep up with Rosie. She out runs me at a brisk walk. Plus, I’m pretty sure a cheetah would just eat me because I’d be covered in turkey leg grease and look like a leopard. I don’t even know if that makes any sense. The truth is Jim already said I couldn’t have a pet cheetah so let’s just leave it at that.

I didn’t think twice about going on the Paleo diet the first time I read about it. I could never give up cheese. Or yogurt. Or, be still my heart, ice cream! Not to mention sweet potatoes are frowned upon and so are beans. I could never give up beans. When would I sing my favorite song about beans being the musical fruit? Plus, I’d probably get kicked out of New Mexico. Beans go with red or green just like chocolate goes with other chocolate. You can’t live here and not eat beans, unless you want to be friendless. Plus, cheese goes on beans, so there is that….

Anyway, all of that changed yesterday when I noticed a recipe to make pizza crust out of cauliflower. I’m not sure what kind of pizza doesn’t have cheese, but then I realized pizza crust is kind of like a giant plate. Then I started imagining my turkey leg on my pizza crust plate. Pizza crust is edible. This means you can eat your plate. If I go Paleo I may never have to wash dishes again. That would be awesome. Also, I would look cute having a picnic on my faux giraffe skin while petting my chimpanzee and NOT washing dishes afterwards. I’d probably smile more often and have a much higher life-happiness score too.

I’m giving the Paleo diet a second look. I mean, would I? Could I give up ice cream for plate free dining? It’s certainly a possibility I am looking into. Plus, I’ve always wanted a pet chimpanzee and I do love cauliflower. It’s only a matter of time before someone comes up with a recipe for cauliflower ice cream, right? When they do, I’ll be ready with adorable bones tied in my hair!

P.S. If you are on the Paleo Diet, I applaud you. It looks kind of hard. I mean you can’t eat Twinkies. That alone just proves you have the kind of moral strength and fortitude that I am seriously lacking. I wish I could be more like you and less like the flour loving cheese eater that I am. Let me be an example of what not to do. Seriously.


23 thoughts on “Paleo Diet: Plate Free Dining?”

  1. So funny. The no-cheetah paragraph was my favorite.

    I will never give up my dairy products.

    And people really made pizza crust out of cauliflower? No thank you.

  2. So funny and I am so far ahead of you, cavemen had Dixie plates right?!

    Seriously though the turkey legs they sell at Disney look pretty awesome, oh, and I am supposed to be doing this diet since I might have MS but dairy and bread make me so happy, hmm.

    1. I didn’t know it was a good diet for MS. I hope you don’t have it!

      I love bread and dairy too. I’m pretty sure Dixie plates were just giant leaves back then. The original disposable plate!

  3. LOL! I don’t quite get the logic of that diet, so like you, I won’t even try to get into the technical details! Somehow, I think the chimp may not be a bad idea…especially if you could teach it to load the dishwasher!! πŸ˜›

  4. I was on the paleo diet for about four days – and then I caved (hah! See what I did there? It’s a CAVEman diet and I caved?) Anyway, at one point my husband (who was still living with me at the time) made fajitas with cauliflower tortillas. They were surprisingly good, but apparently time consuming (or he may have just been saying that – who knows?) During that four days, I lost five pounds – which I immediately gained back as soon as I ate some sugar.

    1. I really want to make some cauliflower tortillas or pizza dough. Unfortunately I am too lazy to do the work. It looks like a process. I have a feeling they taste good though. I’d probably lose more weight on the Paleo diet because I’d eat less out of pure laziness than anything else.

      P.S. Your caveman pun was awesome.

  5. Here by way of the lovely Jana (who commented earlier).

    What I understand about the Paleo diet is that it’s a variation of a low carbohydrate, high protein diet. Somewhat like Dr. Atkin’s approach. I’d say it’s pretty misnamed as today’s meats and veggies bear precious little resemblance to the meats and veggies prehistoric peoples hunted and foraged for. In fact, some scientists suggest early humans were basically opportunistic scavengers, scraping up leftovers from other animal kills.

    Pardon, I’ll take my nerd glasses off. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and I’m just using diet control and no medicines (yet). My dietician/nutritionist taught me the counting carbohydrates approach, which is way easier than the old calorie/exchange system (my sister was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in 1986- I read up). Health professionals are echoing the same old advice, basically– eat your veggies and keep the processed sugars to a minimum. Don’t eat more calories than you actively use.

    1. I’d love to see all the stay-at-home moms pinning photos of road kill to their pinterest boards. That would be hilarious.

      Good luck with controlling your diabetes through diet. I know people who have had success doing that very thing.

  6. Funnily enough I was reading about this diet last night but these benefits were never mentioned. If I’d read yours first if have started immediately

  7. No dishes? Hm, is cheese worth dishes? Funny post and great timing for me to read it – my friend just sent me a ton of info on it because she lost a bunch of weight. In my usual procrastinating self way, I haven’t read any of it. Now I don’t need to!

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