dog on couch

If Reincarnation Exists I Hope I Come Back As A Dog…Or A Cat.

dog on couch
Couch surfing takes on a whole new life when you are a dog.

If I die and come back to earth I hope I get to be a dog. More specifically I hope I get to be my dog. I realize that is probably impossible even if reincarnation exists. It would require a time machine and some sort of quantum physics, science fiction scenario that I probably shouldn’t even try to talk about because I can’t even explain quantum physics in a way that makes any sense. To support my claim on the “life of dog” I desperately desire, I have made an extensive list on the benefits of being a dog in my home.

1. They are walked twice a day and often more than that. This is more exercise and more “outdoors” time than I have gotten in over two years.

2. They do not have to wash dishes, cook meals or wear clothes (very little laundry).

3. They sleep 22 hours a day (well, that’s what it looks like). I can’t even begin to describe my level of sleep deprivation. At this point, why bother? I’m tired and these dogs mock me with their napping…on MY couch.

4. Their only job is to bark and look rabid when someone knocks at the door. The last time I raised my voice in any kind of protest, Tiny-Small told me, “Calm down, Mama.”

5. They don’t have to waste any time showering or smelling nice. Everyone expects them to stink. It’s not that I want to stink, but imagine how much I could get done if I didn’t have to shower? Or bathe a toddler? Also, when dogs want to smell good they just roll on something dead. They don’t have to spend the money they were going to use to pay the electric bill on the latest celebrity perfume. I know it sounds gross, but I think we would understand better once we were living in a dog’s body.

6. You can spend all day long sunbathing. Nobody will call you lazy or lecture you about wearing sunscreen.

7. You get to wear a fur coat every single day and nobody will say you are inhumane to animals or throw red paint on you.

8. You can pass gas without having to say “excuse me.” The worst thing that will happen is you will be sent outside to resume your sunbathing.

9. You never have to pretend you like someone. You can just growl in their general direction.

Tiny-Small can paint as well as any horse…or dog.

10. If you were a dog and you painted this it would sell in five minutes. Just look at this horse, making the big bucks (did you see his self-portrait?). The best thing for my art career might be to become a dog artist. I’ve gotten paint in my mouth before so it’s not like it would be THAT different anyway.

If you don’t like being a dog you can make plans to come back as a cat…they have even cushier lives.

Not Mickey getting his lazy on.

10 thoughts on “If Reincarnation Exists I Hope I Come Back As A Dog…Or A Cat.”

  1. Well, you could be reincarnated as my dog. Mine are spoiled, too. If they showed any aptitude, I’d even let them try painting, but I think it would cut into their napping/sunbathing/barking at things schedule.

    1. I read this comment last night and have been thinking about it all night. It would be so fun to “teach” my dog to paint. I should have started when she was a puppy. At this point I would probably have to coat the paintbrush in meat juices or maybe just paint her feet and have her run all over the paper. I’d need special, non toxic paint. I am not sure she would enjoy it. I may have to pass up this way to fame and fortune, but thinking about it seems like an endless source of entertainment.

  2. A dog? Not for me. I might wind up being one of those foo-foo dogs that women and gay men like so much 😉 Wearing a pink rinestone collar! Ugh! Better to be an eagle or something with some dignity.

    1. I put sweaters on my dog. You better hope you don’t come back as one of my pets. I’m picking out a pink collar for you right now.

  3. So funny! This brought back memories for me when we had a dog. When I was in high school and I had a big test, I would think these sorts of thoughts. Although, mine were more like “They never have to take a test about the associative property.”

    1. They really have it made. I look at them sleeping and daydream about how awesome it would be if they cleaned the house while I was grocery shopping.

  4. Sweaters on a dog? Well I guess if you live in North Dakota or Minnesota I could see it. Why not make a contribution to an indian orphanage in South Dakota. Those kids need warm clothes more than a dog needs a sweater.
    As far as the pink collar if I come back as a dog forget it. I promise you’ll get bit if you try to put it on. >:-)

    1. Yes! Donate your sweaters. Great idea. I am not sure the children would appreciate wearing a sweater made for a dog. They are shaped kind of funny. We don’t really need them in NM. They are stored in a box for the day we move back to a colder climate or have another fur-challenged dog. We usually send our surplus clothing to Mexico. Our community overlaps with Mexico and we try to keep our donations as local as possible.

  5. Oh yeah, you are 100% right, dog’s and cat’s lives in houses like yours has to be a bed of roses! Just unfortunately not all dog owners are that into making their pet’s lives comfortable. I would like to be my dog, too: she runs freely all day (my parents live in a forest and she has her kennel which she sleeps in during the nights but in day time she just does as she pleases). Such a cute creature! Now when I think about it though I would probably return as a cat. It suits my personality better – can you imagine being grumpy and lazy ALL the time and everyone still thinks you are the best what could happen to them?! Paradise!

    1. You make an excellent case for returning as a cat. I may have to reconsider my request. It would be a great way to catch up on all of the sleep I have missed in this life too!

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