I took Tiny-Small to McDonalds. She is practically two and a half years old and this is her first time ever going. I know, it’s like we aren’t really American. The thing is, before Tiny-Small was born, her dad read that kids can get addicted to fast food even if they only eat it once before they turn three. I don’t know why three is the magic age. All I know is I swore that she would never eat McDonalds food and that I would protect that promise with my life.
But, then it started raining and raining and then…more raining. Tiny-Small wanted to go to the “Pawk” and “Pay with kids.” She was sad and she cried. I cried. Ronald McDonald cried.
McDonald’s is the only place in town with an indoor playground. I broke my promise.
I took her to McDonalds.
She played with kids. She ate french fries. She even had a chicken nugget. It was a disaster.
She loved it!
I listened to 7 screaming kids for an hour and a half as they chased each other around the playscape. Tiny-Small licked things that should never be licked. A little girl danced on a pole like a pole dancer. Tiny-Small hugged outraged little boys and tried to eat things off of the floor. It was almost like being home, but better. I think the floors were probably cleaner. Also, the people were real and not just on TV.
When we got home she wore her happy meal on her head and pretended she was a robot. It’s like the fun never ends. Her dad was not exactly happy. He wanted to punch Ronald McDonald in the nose and stab the rain with a knife.
If she gets addicted to fast food it will be all my fault because I didn’t wait until she was three to expose her to the most disgusting food on earth. I took our daughter to eat food that doesn’t ever rot – you’ve seen the five-year old hamburger pictures on Facebook, right?
I did it because I couldn’t take another rainy day trapped inside with a lonely toddler who just wanted to “Pay with kids.” I’m guilty. I just hope the punishment isn’t too severe.