I just realized my house is where furniture goes to die. When I was young and full of hopes and dreams (just a couple of years ago) I had standards for myself. I combed my hair, wore clothes that fit and bought furniture that matched. Then I had dogs, then a husband, and then a kid. I started looking around the other day and was kind of surprised by what I saw. The home I have created now is so different from the one I created for myself a decade ago. I realized there are at least 10 things about my home that are cringe worthy.
1. I bought a college dorm couch from Wal-Mart because it looked like it could be hosed off…literally. It’s ugly and plastic and hard as a rock, but, almost daily, my daughter covers it with finger prints and I wash them off with a dish cloth. I mentioned this last Sunday, but I thought it was bad enough to deserve a second mentioning. Futon’s are not for people who enjoy being comfortable (or stylish), but they do work well for toddlers who like to have their own drink holder.
2. Most of our furniture is broken or ripped and I don’t even care. I figure by the time Tiny-Small reaches an age where she can drink water without spilling it we can invest in something nicer. Until then, why bother?
3. We have lived here for over a year and barely have any pictures, paintings, or anything on the walls. I’m an artist. I have paintings in stacks leaning against the wall but no time or energy to actually hang them. It’s sad really, and bare.
4. My dishes don’t match. I had a set that did, but it keeps disappearing along with the silverware. Every Christmas we get a few new coffee mugs so it’s festive around here all year long. Jim keeps broiling meat in my cake pans and bending all of the spoons as he fills his bowl with ice cream. We truly live like college students…college students without rich parents and with bad taste. College students who have to buy new cake pans at least three times a year. Well, that might not be so “college student” of us, but you get the point.
5. Our dog, Loco-Lucy, chewed a hole in the kitchen wall. Right in the middle of the wall. It happened last year and we still haven’t fixed it yet because we have been too busy putting in new flooring, and more flooring…and then some more flooring.
6. Our little kitchen table has big white circles on it because someone keeps putting hot things down on it without hot plate protection. I say “someone” because sometimes it is me. We keep hiding it with table cloths and other such nonsense, but those circles are their waiting for us. They scream, “Haha, Loser!” at me every day when I walk by.
7, The dining room table has chairs with bite marks. Apparently chairs are the perfect height for lazy dogs who like to chew while rolling around on the floor. We could get new chairs, but then we would need a new table and then we’d have to paint the walls. You know how it is, one improvement leads to another.
8. Our Chinese cabinet was OK, until we moved it a few times and then Tiny-Small broke the door off with her little toddler hands. Apparently she has super powers we were unaware of. Either that or Chinese cabinets are made of string cheese. I glued it back together with Gorilla Glue. Yes, we go through a lot of that around here. Yes, I have considered getting stock in the company.
9. For a while, the door knobs to the front and back door would just come off in your hand when you went to pull the door open or closed. It happened on both sides, so, sometimes you’d get stranded inside the house and sometimes outside the house. We replaced them, but it’s starting to happen again. I’ve never had this happen to me before so I give Jim the evil eye everyday as he opens the door. It has to be him, right? I still can’t figure out what kind of magic he is doing that causes doorknobs to fall off. Apparently he also has super powers that I did not know about (it’s hard to be the only average person living among the super power talented).
10. We can’t use the dishwasher because the mineral content of our water is so high it leaves the glasses coated with a milky film that takes days to scrub off. This is why I complain so much about washing dishes. I am washing them all by hand! I know, I should just be grateful we have running water and indoor toilets, and I am, but still, I do not like to wash the dishes.
This is not a home for the fancy or the type who prefer things to match. We are too busy breaking things, wearing things out, and creating messes to bother with perfection. I think I am OK with that for the most part. I never have to worry about someone putting their feet up on the coffee table or making rings on an end table. All of that has been done before. People do live here after all. Even if it is where furniture comes to die.