Running For President In My Own Mind

I kind of want to run for President just to see what kind of attack ads my opponent would create to entice voters not to vote for me. I’ve seen some hilariously bad pictures of both Obama and Romney float by in my Facebook stream lately. I keep imagining that the attack ads directed at my campaign would show me in my pajamas, hair uncombed, drinking coffee and sitting at the table on my laptop furiously typing away. The little poster would say: She Doesn’t Get Dressed Until 2pm Or Brush Her Teeth Until Noon. Lillian “Dome Life” Connelly doesn’t deserve your vote. Or, maybe the TV ad would show me eating a bag of potato chips while watching the Olympics. There would be horror music in the back ground while some deep voice announces, “Lillian Connelly tells YOU to eat healthy, organic foods while she continues to be lazy and gluttonous, eating salt and fat laden potato chips while she sits on her couch watching TV for hours at a time. Make YOUR vote count. Vote for ANYONE else.”

Dogs, sitting in chairs like humans? This would be my downfall.

Photographers would catch me during my most embarrassing moments like when I am outside, in my nightgown yelling for the dogs to come inside. Or, maybe when I trip and fall over my own two feet. It would be a nightmare campaign. I think I’d probably surpass Dan Quayle in public mockery. It would also be highly entertaining to watch all of the skeletons come out of my closet. People would openly discuss my daughter’s pacifier use (gasp) at the age of two (gasp again), my lack of a live in hair stylist (nobody will care about my policy knowledge…I’m a woman, it will be all about my hair), and that I have a long history of having way too many pets. That will make me very suspect. “Is she the weird cat lady at the end of the road?” they will whisper as I walk by. “No, I think she’s the chicken lady,” others will answer. I also, may or may not, have a long history of using the wrong fork at the dinner table.

The Beef Industry Would Have My Head.

I sort of feel like the election is really starting to gain some momentum now. I just read that Romney accidentally said “vagina” but then found out he really just said “papaya” which apparently is slang for vagina. I’m with you Romney, I had no idea either. People are still fuming over Obama’s birth certificate and religious beliefs and the fact that he eats his ice cream cone with a spoon

Tiny-Small for President?

I’m still kind of wondering if I will read anything substantial on either candidate in my Facebook feed. Apparently, when you want real news it is best to seek it out elsewhere, but if you want a good chuckle at some of the ridiculous political shenanigans circling on the web, Facebook is the place to go. Unlike Playboy, I mostly read Facebook political posts for the pictures. Hope you enjoy mine!

Have you ever imagined what it would be like if you were running for president?


7 thoughts on “Running For President In My Own Mind”

  1. Love this. What a clever and hilarious idea. I always think how happy I am to fly under the radar because right now I'm in sweatpants and a bikini top and my son is naked and we are playing Word with Friends.

    1. No kidding, if we ran for office the pictures would be amazing and not in a good way. My daughter hardly ever wears pants these days and I reserve bra wearing for special occasions. Both of us are in serious need of a hair brushing.

  2. I went outside last weekend in inside out boxers and no bra/baggy shirt. My hair looked like I just went through a tornado. I rolled out of bed and sat out on the front porch with a cup of tea. Bite me neighbors..if you don't like my “natural” beauty..its OK for you all to go inside and close those curtains! P.S. I think dogs are human too. 😉

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