NO! NO! NO! Not The Dishes AGAIN!


Sometimes I spend time drinking coffee and looking around this place we call “home.” I often wonder why my house is always messy.  Then, finally, I realized it’s not entirely my fault. I mean, sure, some of it is my lack of domestic ambition and the whole I-prefer-to-spend-my-time-doing-almost-anything-else-but-clean-stuff thing, but there is more to it than that. I’ve brought photographic evidence to support my claim and of course I blame Tiny-Small (mostly because she can’t really talk yet and so I won’t have to defend myself against her quick-witted retorts).

The vacuum cleaner is not a show pony. No standing please.

It’s pretty hard to vacuum when your child keeps trying to ride it like a pony.

Or, like one of those mechanical bulls in a Texas Bar and Grill. I’m really amazed she hasn’t demanded a cowboy hat and boots yet. I’m kind of dreading the day she decides to ride a real mechanical bull, or go to a bar and grill, or wear really short shorts. I kind of hope she stays in the library reading books until she is at least 30.Sometimes I try to use the broom instead, but that doesn’t work out well either. I usually just end up with a Samurai toddler and I have to practice my duck and cover moves. She insists on helping, but usually something just gets broken…hopefully not my nose.There are also a few moments of theater dancing and singing incorporated into every cleaning session which means things get missed a lot and it also means that sweeping takes FOREVER.The problem is we would much rather be playing in our under-the-table-house and turning the light switch on and off (to pretend that first it is night and then it is day), than to be cleaning something that’s only going to get twice as messy five minutes later. Kind of like how washing the dishes just seems to make dirty dishes multiply. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I will just walk into the kitchen and start screaming, “NO! NO! NO!!! Not the dishes AGAIN!”Tiny-Small tries to help wash the dishes too. There are photographs of this phenomenon, but they are far too gruesome to show live on the Internet (now, that is saying something). So, if you ever stop by unannounced (without at least three days notice) don’t be surprised if the house is messy. It’s kind of our signature trade mark or something. Or, if you happen to look in the window, don’t be surprised to see a half-dressed toddler riding the vacuum cleaner like a pony. It’s sort of impossible to predict when the madness will occur around here. Without prior notice you’ll probably just get lost in the shuffle.

She also rides it backwards just to show off.

If she keeps reading this book she’ll know everything she needs to know which gives me more time to read blogs and eat chocolate.

This photo is blurry because she just did a double back flip…I swear.

This photo is blurry due to dancing and attempting to do jazz hands while sweeping (dangerous). Rosie is obviously impressed.

Lucy and Tiny-Small used to live together under the table, but things weren’t working out so Tiny got her own apartment in the suburbs.

5 thoughts on “NO! NO! NO! Not The Dishes AGAIN!”

  1. Your daughter is just so cute! My DD tries to help clean TOO! We bought her a toy vacuum and she still insists on playing with the real thing. Keep up the writing bc you make me laugh!

    1. I thought about buying her a toy vaccuum. I am so glad I didn't after reading your comment. I am sure she would insist on using the real vaccuum and I would be trying to clean with the toy one!

    1. Maybe she could come visit you for a week…or a month…lol. You could train her in the art of organization and then send her back to me so she can school the rest of us degenerates.

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