Tag Archives: toxic people

Share The Love Sunday: How To Stop Being Friends

How to stop being friends

Hello Share The Love Sunday readers! This week I have had some strange experiences surrounding betrayal, negativity, confusion and naysayers. Well, I should say naysayer because really there is only one. This got me thinking about how we sometimes outgrow friendships or realize that some of our relationships aren’t exactly healthy for us. Sometimes there is only so much negativity a person can take. Or, what about the friend that steals your ideas or does what she can to make you feel inferior? We know these people make us feel bad, but what do we do next? How do we stop being friends with someone? How do we untangle ourselves from the web (both literally and figuratively) we find ourselves caught up in? How do we stop being friends with someone and most importantly how do we do it nicely? So, with a touch of curiosity and a hint of desperation I did what I do best: I turned to Google for the answers.

So, without further blubbering, here is what I have found on Google about how to stop being friends:

Alex Williams wrote in The New York Times: It’s Not You, It’s Me. People discuss their experiences and the pros and cons of being direct versus using white lies to end a friendship. One woman, Ms. Johnson, said the following about ending a friendship with someone who was always putting her down, “My main point was that life is very short and fleeting, and I value my happiness enough to eradicate the negative energy…”

Ryan O’Connell wrote Everyone Should Get Rid Of Their Toxic Friends and highlights some reasons why.

On the Tiny Buddha website contributor Katy Cowan examines how to have compassion for toxic people without letting them affect our happiness and how we can only be responsible for own experience in Toxic Friendships: Accepting, Forgiving and Moving On.

When to end A Friendship: How to identify when a friend is toxic and needs to be purged from your life by SpiffyD on Hub Pages.

An entire blog on Friendship. The Friendship Blog created by Irene S. Levine, PhD. She answers questions from readers and addresses many topics related to friendship. You could spend hours reading peoples stories and her comments on them.

If you find yourself unfriended on Facebook this article from Psychology Today might help you with feelings of rejection Unfriended? 5 Ways to Manage Online Rejection.

How to Unfriend Someone On Facebook Without Actually Unfriending Them from WikiHow gives you step-by-step instructions for adjusting your Facebook page. A good way to slow down on what you share without making a clean cut break.

I hope these articles on how to stop being friends helps some of you navigate through some of these painful or awkward relationship moments. I think protecting your own happiness and state of mind is very important. Nobody can do that for you.

Also, don’t listen to naysayers they are mostly just jealous because you are awesome. YOU ARE AWESOME!

Happy Sunday Reading!

 

When Ex Co-Workers Pretend You Don’t Exist

I ran into an ex co-worker the other day and she pretended I didn’t exist. I know, you are going to say she probably didn’t see me or didn’t recognize me…or something, right? The thing is I know she saw me because I was yelling her name and waving like a maniac. Plus, she looked right at me when she heard her name and then quickly looked away (and completely turned her back to me). I mean, she knew her own name was being shouted, that part was obvious. Still, she chose to pretend she didn’t know me. How rude! I wanted to stomp my foot and yell, “Look at me because I DO exist! I am standing right in front of you.” I didn’t though. Instead I went off with Tiny-Small to look at Piñata’s.

The worst part is she was sort of my boss and so we worked next to each other (five days a week) for years and years. There is no way she didn’t recognize me. She had to have known who I was. I used to buy her lunch on a regular basis for petes sake. I listened to her complain about her family, her bills, her hair…. I know, now you are wondering what kind of person buys their boss lunch, right? Well, I am that kind of person, apparently. So take a long hard look at this face of mine.

This is the kind of face that screams, “Let me buy you lunch over and over again so in a few years you can pretend I do not exist!” Obviously, mine is a face that begs to have the word “Sucker” tattooed across it’s forehead. Yep. I’m too nice. I’ve been told that all of my life. I’m too nice to adults, to kids, to bugs and on occasion, even to my boss.

Somehow, even the homeless people in town know I am too nice. One guy asked me, in the grocery store parking lot, if he could come live with me for a few weeks. I had to say no because I was pretty sure Jim would get really angry with me if he came home and found a guy, his wife, his three friends and their giant dog camped out on our living room floor. The thing is, I did consider it for a moment. I mean, this guy needed help, right? I also felt sorry for the dog. Life gets pretty complicated when you are nice.

Anyway, I was feeling pretty sad about the whole ex co-worker ignoring me thing until my mom laughed in my face and told me I was better off. She remembers how miserable I was when I had that job and how stressed out I was every single moment I worked with my amnesic boss. She reminded me that I was probably lucky to be ignored and that I should embrace this moment as a positive one. Some people like to spread their anger, misery and general disgust with life around. I don’t have to be a part of that anymore. I no longer have to work with Ms. Grumpy pants and if she chooses to snub me, so what? It’s not like I am losing anything here. Yes, it is humiliating to be waving and yelling in the middle of the grocery store, but I embarrass myself like that on a regular basis these days anyway. No skin off my nose. Plus, I’ve heard it’s a great way to meet new friends…there are always people who think you might be waving to them. Love you guys…you know who you are!

When Ex-Coworkers pretend You Don't Exist

Nope, I am a much happier person now. I only take people I adore out to lunch. I don’t have to fake smile if I don’t want to. I don’t have to be associated with a massive black hole of depression that wanted to suck my soul dry of every ounce of joy in my being ( that may be a slight exaggeration, but only slight). Nope, I am free of all of that now and couldn’t be more ecstatic. The fact of the matter is I am now enjoying my life much more than I was just a few years ago. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Especially (ESPECIALLY) at work. Does your job make you miserable? Get a new one. I’m telling you, I regret wasting so many years of my life working in a job that made me truly despair. It didn’t have to be like that, but when you have people working so hard to rob you of your good feelings it’s going to happen. Run! Run screaming if you have to. It’s the only way to save your life sometimes.

So, it’s true, happiness really is the best revenge! I take my revenge with a vat of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a toddler-sized bundle of joy and happiness, how about you? What are you doing to make sure those ex co-worker (who pretend you don’t exist) types are no longer sapping you of your precious energy and happiness? Don’t wait until you are crying yourself to sleep at night. Be happy now.

 

 

Also, are you on Pinterest? I’m super desperate for new pins to steal. Come follow me so I can follow you. It’s lonely over there!

 

I Fear My Neighbors (Seriously)

 

I fear my neighbors. They are mostly crazy, eccentric, odd, and possibly a bit vengeful. We bought and moved into this house a little over a year ago. We were so happy because it is “out in the country” and has trees and space, and room for kids, dogs, and playground equipment. We were ready to start a life full of chaos and hoped to recreate a tiny part of our childhoods for our offspring to enjoy. We imagined gardens, deer watching, and games of tag. We envisioned chickens, goats and rabbits. We thought we had found a tiny slice of paradise that we could call our home.

Then, we met the neighbors. I swear sometimes I feel like I have been thrust into a bad remake of Deliverance mixed with a few episodes of Law & Order, Cops, and a lot of old, miserable, cranky people. I wish I were exaggerating, but sadly I am not.

Shortly after moving in, neighbor A shows up with a bottle of wine as a house warming gift. Two days later she pops in and demands that we take over getting the dirt road we live on repaired on a yearly basis. We must collect money from all of the other neighbors. Neighbors who do not want the road repaired and do not want to pay any money for it. We find this out later, but I’ll get to that in a moment.

Then, Neighbor B shows up and says his dogs like to roam our property, always have and always will, and that we should accept this and be happy. He neglects to mention that his dogs like to bite people and other dogs. Oh, and they also murder cats in their spare time. So, for the past year neighbor B has knocked at the door repeatedly to ask us if our cat is missing because he found a dead cat in his yard. We tell him over and over again that our cats don’t go outside, but he doesn’t listen. On Christmas morning, while Tiny-Small was opening her presents, we had a dead cat inquiry at 9 am. I’m serious. He’s obsessed and creepily smiley while he waits to find out if it is in fact our dead pet, that he has in a box somewhere, waiting to be claimed. Also, his dogs have come into our yard and bitten our dogs five times. Yes, it has been a wonderfully expensive year, full of dead cats, vet bills, and nonstop antagonism.

One day neighbor C knocks on the door and says, “Hi. I killed your dog.” I just stare at him in disbelief and say, “What?!” He repeats, “I killed your dog.” All I hear is a dumbed down version of that character from Slingblade saying “Mmmm…biscuits and mustard.” I go outside and stare at him some more. He says, “I ran her over. Snapped her neck. She’s dead. I killed her.” He then picks my lovely little dog up out of the back of his truck, by her legs (like a hunter showing off his trophy) and hands her to me, “Now your husband can give her a proper burial,” he tells me before getting back into his truck. “By the way, watch out for neighbor B’s dogs. They are mean. That’s what I stopped by to tell you. Sorry I killed your dog,” he says before driving away. I cried and cried. Then I took a shower because being around that guy was like being in the presence of evil. It was creepy. Who talks like that? Mad men and psychopaths.

Finally, the time comes when my husband has to collect money for the road repair. He goes from door to door, but when he gets to neighbor C’s house all hell breaks loose. Neighbor C calls the police on my husband for knocking on his door. We know this because shortly after knocking, the police arrive at our house to tell us we are not allowed to go on neighbor C’s property and that we are never to knock on his door again. Neighbor C does not want to pay for the road to be fixed. Neighbor C has a restraining order against neighbor A because neighbor A asked him for money for the road last year. Now we dislike neighbor A, neighbor B, and neighbor C. Our lawyer instructs us not to open the door when they come knocking and to have as little contact as possible with all three of them.

But, then neighbor D shows up. Neighbor D is angry because he has dust on his car. He’s never had dust on his car until we moved in so we must be responsible for the dust. He questions us about what we are doing over here, where do we work, are we making chemicals? He wants to know why he has dust on his car. We have three acres of land so there is quite a distance between our two houses. I have no idea why he has dust on his car. We live in New Mexico. I thought everyone had dust on their car. I write a letter to him and explain that I have been doing some gardening and it has been windy. Could that be causing the dust he is finding? Then, remarkably, neighbor D comes back to apologize for giving us a hard time. We decide to not open the door the next time he comes anyway because who complains about dust? We decide to have as little contact as possible. We’re all about self preservation at this point.

 

We are surrounded by the unstable, the cranky, and the bored. I fear my neighbors. If I had enough money I would build a fence and wall-in my property. I would have a gate with a buzzer so only non-neighbors could be let in (people who don’t drive up your driveway and run over your dog and leave with a smile and a wave). I would shut them out and build a new road so I could exit the neighborhood without having to pass by them on the broken down driveway we call a road. I’d pretend the next neighborhood over was mine. The one where all the “normal” people live. I seriously fear my neighbors. They are bad news. They keep me up at night. I am waiting for them to strike again.