Tag Archives: stay at home mom

How To Never Clean Your House Again In 5 Easy Steps

What? Never clean your house again? What madness is this, right? Well, between the two of us Jim and I have developed a fool-proof plan to keep you untidy, but still respectable.

Step 1: Become an artist. Or, just announce that you are one. People don’t have to know you are secretly an accountant. It’s a well-known fact that artists are unconventional and messy. It’s totally acceptable to have piles of chaos when you are an artist. It also means you can dress funny too (win-win!). This leads us to step 2.

Step 2: Make a sign or piece of art (or just buy one) that says you are messy and hang it by the front door. It’s like saying, “Here I am world. Love me as I am or don’t take one more step.” What can people really say? You warned them. If they seem shocked just talk a lot about being an artist until their eyes glaze over. That works every time.

never clean your house again, just hang up this sign.
Please Excuse the mess…it works every time!

Step 3: If you have an area rug that has become impossible to clean or you just don’t feel like vacuuming ever again, just flip it over. When people ask why your rug is upside down, just look at them like they are crazy and exclaim, “Burlap is all the rage right now. This is a faux-burlap look, but it gets the job done.”

Burlap carpet for the win! Never clean your house again.
Burlap carpet for the win!

Step 4: Don’t ever, ever, ever have kids. Or dogs. Don’t have kids or dogs. A stray cat or two is fine, maybe some fish, but no kids and no dogs. If you do have kids or dogs make more signs (see step 2) and blame the mess on the kids and the dogs. Just blame all of your problems on your kids and your dogs. People will just nod in agreement because nobody can make a mess like a kid or a dog…nobody. Plus, dogs and kids are cute, so they can get away with just about anything.

Step 5: If all else fails, you can always join the witness protection plan. OK, maybe not, but you could hire a cleaning lady…or move. So, never lose hope. You can be messy and still have friends. You just have to find friends who are even messier than you are. That way you look like you have a spotless house whenever they come over.

 

What cleaning tips and tricks do you have?

I Am Having Technical Difficulties

crabby t-shirt
I should be wearing this today.

I am having technical difficulties today. I mean more than usual. I have to postpone my Examining The Creative Mind Series until later in the week.

It’s been a rough day so far, mostly because I woke up grumpy and thought it was Monday. I also have, “What’s up? Chicken Butt!” stuck in my head. I swear someone broke into my house while we were sleeping and used every dish we own and then left it on the counter. Did I mention I also managed to dye the roots of my hair blond while the rest of my hair is still dark brown?

I have a stack of bills and packages to mail, but I can’t leave the house until I finish washing my hat (and drying it) because, well, did I mention my hair is ombre, but not in the good pink fades to blue Pinterest way, but more in the I am a blind, old lady, do it yourself¬† kind of way? Yeah. I’m also supposed to take Tiny-Small to the park to mingle with normal children. Children with parents who have clean dishes and moms with hair that sort of matches their eyebrows. Good grief, if only I could wake up and start this day again.

I’ve been fighting with my blog for a while now. It’s winning. My pictures are too big so I have been trying to go through each post and resize the photos. I’ve also been trying to make this blog look more professional which really means more gadgets and weird writing done by me on the spur of the moment. I have another blog. An art blog that I have only posted twice on. I can’t decide if I should keep it or let it go. I have an art Facebook page too. Do I keep it? Do I let it go? Do I let this blog go and focus on the art. Do I just start over and get a new blog, a new website? One where everything I do is under one roof with my name as the title? I’ve been reading all of these things…SO MANY THINGS! This whole blogging, internet business stuff is like a marathon. I am running in a race with no arrows pointing me in the right direction. I might not be running in the direction of the finish line. I don’t know what I am doing anymore. I have been at this crossroads staring up and down each road, afraid to make a move. I’m blog-paralyzed. I’m Internet stunned. I’m like a rat caught in a maze (or guinea pig). I’m like a mom, who paints, with too many things to do, who still wants to have a website that is awesome and amazing and not boring like this post.

Anyway, the only reason I am even posting today is to tell you I am guest posting over at Equis Place where Xiomara writes beautiful blog posts. She’s such a gifted writer. I felt really honored when she invited me to guest post on her blog. My Post is Am I A Work At Home Mom? where I am sort of ranting about identity and why we have to label ourselves. Go check it out! If you have a blog you might join her new link up and check out some of the other bloggers sharing their posts. Xiomara turned my photos into Polaroid pictures. Talk about old fashioned. She probably wasn’t even born yet when those cameras were popular. I have reached an age where what was once old is new again. Sigh…I am just going to go hide under a blanket and watch bad TV with my blond roots and figure out what to do next.

Hopefully, I’ll start to conquer some of these technical difficulties. If not, be prepared to hear about it. You can call me a crybaby. I’ll own that.

 

For those of you who want to see my hair (I can’t believe I am doing this) you can check out my album on Facebook That Day I Dyed My Roots Blond. So, my hair is still wet in the pictures and it looks much worse in person. I just can’t get my arms far enough away from my head to give you the big picture.

Dear Cinderella, Can I Borrow Those Mice?

This is how I want to spend the day.

There won’t be a long post today. I have banned myself from writing. I kind of had to. I’ve been on the computer too much lately and my house shows it. The evidence of my compulsion to paint and write and socialize is all over the floor…literally. I have to spend the day cleaning. It’s my punishment for trying to be entertaining and awesome for so long. Anyway, as you are out and about today just think of me …home…picking up…all the stuff. I might even rename myself Cinderella for a few hours.

The “Library” has become more of a toy depository than anything else.

 

Because it is THAT BAD around here. My floors have fur coats and my table looks like an episode of hoarders minus the interesting personalities. It’s a disaster.

Oh. My. Gawd. I Need An INTERVENTION.

 

I folded all of the laundry just in time to add all of the laundry back onto the little bed…also located in the library. It’s slowly moving into the fourth dimension of “How do people live like that?”

 

Mom, can’t we just get a house cleaner up in here? I am afraid to step foot on the floor…

 

I know you are thinking I should be cleaning instead of writing about cleaning. Trust me, I am about to get to it. I just want to finish my coffee first….

Enjoy your Friday! I can only hope your house is cleaner than mine. I just wish those little mice in Cinderella were real. That would be wonderful. It’s not fair that magic cleaning isn’t an actual thing. Disney and their Princess franchise have ruined me for life!

Want to read more about my cleaning woes? Check out When Did I Become The Maid? or No! No! No! Not The Dishes Again!