Loco-Lou-Lou (yes, Jim, I know it should be loca, but you try explaining that to a toddler) is our puppy. If you have read previous posts you are well aware of that by now, but for all you newbies out there she is a little maniac of a dog and my daughter loves her. She loves her to pieces. They might even be soul mates. Anyway, Loco had to spend 24 hours at the veterinarian clinic because she was spayed.
The entire time Loco was gone my daughter looked for her. She looked under the bed, outside, in the bathroom, in the shower stall, and even in the basement. She called her, “Loco,whe awww uuuu?” She asked us, “Loco?” It was just heart breaking. I tried to explain to her that Loco was at the vets getting an operation. I tried to convey that everything was going to be OK and that Loco would be home in the morning. My endless talking would satisfy her for a while, but after some time had passed her search would resume.
It can be very frustrating communicating with a toddler at times. It’s like we are speaking two different languages and I am never certain that she understands what I am saying. This got me thinking about how difficult it must be for her to articulate her sense of loss. Loco was gone and she missed her. She was sad and she couldn’t really share that with anybody. Several months ago our dog Yoda-Booda was run over by our neighbor. She died, but we have plenty of home movies of her playing, rolling around on the floor, and chasing her own tail. To our daughter, Yoda-Booda just went outside and never came back. We will probably never know what Tiny-Small thought or felt because by the time she is able to express herself she probably won’t really remember enough to say anything about it. Now, when she sees Yoda-Booda in our home movies, she asks, “Booda?” I tell her that Booda died, but she has no concept of death. She just looks up at me with her big blue eyes and says, “Dies?” The whole time Loco was gone I feared that our daughter thought she was gone for good. I couldn’t bare to imagine the pain she was enduring silently and alone. She understood that dogs could leave and never come back because she had seen that happen. She didn’t quite grasp that Loco might be gone for only a day, but it was obvious she also couldn’t accept that she was gone for good.
The next morning was one of the happiest reunions I have witnessed in my lifetime. Loco-Lou-Lou came in the front door and ran straight to my daughter. My daughter was screaming “Loco-Loco-Loco!” and then she knelt down and threw her arms around her much missed and adored puppy and buried her face in her fur. She was beaming with happiness. For the rest of the day Loco and my daughter were stuck together like glue. It really is something to see the bond that can develop between a little girl and her dog. It’s a very special relationship and one I am so grateful my daughter gets to partake in. What a lucky little girl and a lucky little puppy. They get to experience true love at such an early age.
There is a dance party going on right now. Yes, it’s only in my head, but I have good reason to celebrate today. I sold my first painting! I’ve finally been paid for my creativity and hard work. All of my blood, sweat, and tears have finally been recognized monetarily. Ok, so it wasn’t really that miserable. I didn’t actually sweat or bleed, but I must confess, there were a few moments of serious crying. That is all behind me now. Today I have become a REAL artist, much like the day Pinocchio became a real boy. When I tell people that I paint there is always one person in the group that asks, “Have you ever sold anything?” Now, now I can answer quite smugly with one small, yet happy, word: Yes! “Why, yes, I have sold a painting” I’ll say with a sly smile and wait for the applause. I won’t mention that I have only sold one painting. I won’t mention the little voice deep inside me that is quietly announcing, “It may be the only one you ever sell.”
For some reason, actually selling artwork validates you in the eyes of others. It means you have arrived, but arrived where I’m not entirely certain. I am sure it has something to do with something I should have learned in economics class (if I had been able to pay attention for more than five minutes at a time). In short, when someone wants something other people want it too. It’s the only explanation for why cabbage patch kids became such a big money-making machine. If I get lucky one sale will lead to other sales and I will become Little Miss Popularity like the Chihuahua’s were after starring in Taco Bell commercials. If I’m not so lucky I’ll be a one-hit-wonder like Sir Mix-A-Lot with his song, “Baby Got Back.” There seems to be a fine line in the art world between being a sellout, which is described as “painting what sells” and being a fine artist which is described as “painting only what matters to you” or maybe “painting what doesn’t sell.” Being an artist is like being a mom. If you let the baby cry you are a bad mom, but if you don’t let the baby cry you are still a bad mom. If you don’t sell your work you are not a “real” artist, but if you do sell it you are not a “real” artist either because then you are a sellout, which is apparently worse than starving to death.
I think maybe this is why I am happily an art outsider. I’m an outsider artist. I’m not quite formally trained. I don’t belong to any exclusive clubs. I’m not high up on the totem pole so to speak. I don’t have any papers documenting my art pedigree. Maybe that is a blessing in disguise because I also don’t have any preconceived notions about how to make art or how to sell art. I don’t have any rules to follow. I’m not worried about making mistakes and I’m not ruled by the words “should” and supposed to.”
However, today I AM a working artist. I’ve been acknowledged. I have moved up one ladder rung towards my imagined artistic greatness and have arrived somewhere even though I don’t know where exactly. An artist friend recently encouraged me to put more effort and enthusiasm into the process of selling my work. She said I had a good chance of selling my pieces because most people just want something pretty to put on their wall. Most fine artists, no doubt, would have found this comment offensive. Not me though. The lifestyle associated with working artist seems much more enjoyable in comparison to the one associated with starving artist. I took it as a compliment because it meant someday I might make enough money to keep me in art supplies. It meant someday I might not have to starve (metaphorically of course because I’m not actually starving) to do the thing I love to do. I’m content with that. I like to paint pretty things and I am painting what matters to me. I’m a practical person. I have a bit of a business mind that was likely handed down to me genetically and through no scholarship of my own. It’s smart to make money. It’s even smarter to make money doing something you enjoy doing. So, today, I celebrate my success. Today is my proud moment. If my customer had paid in cash I’d staple the first dollar to the wall, but instead I’ll settle for attending the dance party in my mind. It’s free at least because we all know selling one painting doesn’t make you a millionaire or even a hundredaire. That is ok though because today I am so happy I feel like attempting to do the moon walk and that happy feeling is enough for me. I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts!