Share The Love Sunday: How To Stop Being Friends

How to stop being friends

Hello Share The Love Sunday readers! This week I have had some strange experiences surrounding betrayal, negativity, confusion and naysayers. Well, I should say naysayer because really there is only one. This got me thinking about how we sometimes outgrow friendships or realize that some of our relationships aren’t exactly healthy for us. Sometimes there is only so much negativity a person can take. Or, what about the friend that steals your ideas or does what she can to make you feel inferior? We know these people make us feel bad, but what do we do next? How do we stop being friends with someone? How do we untangle ourselves from the web (both literally and figuratively) we find ourselves caught up in? How do we stop being friends with someone and most importantly how do we do it nicely? So, with a touch of curiosity and a hint of desperation I did what I do best: I turned to Google for the answers.

So, without further blubbering, here is what I have found on Google about how to stop being friends:

Alex Williams wrote in The New York Times: It’s Not You, It’s Me. People discuss their experiences and the pros and cons of being direct versus using white lies to end a friendship. One woman, Ms. Johnson, said the following about ending a friendship with someone who was always putting her down, “My main point was that life is very short and fleeting, and I value my happiness enough to eradicate the negative energy…”

Ryan O’Connell wrote Everyone Should Get Rid Of Their Toxic Friends and highlights some reasons why.

On the Tiny Buddha website contributor Katy Cowan examines how to have compassion for toxic people without letting them affect our happiness and how we can only be responsible for own experience in Toxic Friendships: Accepting, Forgiving and Moving On.

When to end A Friendship: How to identify when a friend is toxic and needs to be purged from your life by SpiffyD on Hub Pages.

An entire blog on Friendship. The Friendship Blog created by Irene S. Levine, PhD. She answers questions from readers and addresses many topics related to friendship. You could spend hours reading peoples stories and her comments on them.

If you find yourself unfriended on Facebook this article from Psychology Today might help you with feelings of rejection Unfriended? 5 Ways to Manage Online Rejection.

How to Unfriend Someone On Facebook Without Actually Unfriending Them from WikiHow gives you step-by-step instructions for adjusting your Facebook page. A good way to slow down on what you share without making a clean cut break.

I hope these articles on how to stop being friends helps some of you navigate through some of these painful or awkward relationship moments. I think protecting your own happiness and state of mind is very important. Nobody can do that for you.

Also, don’t listen to naysayers they are mostly just jealous because you are awesome. YOU ARE AWESOME!

Happy Sunday Reading!

 

35 thoughts on “Share The Love Sunday: How To Stop Being Friends”

    1. Thanks for posting on the subject 🙂 I have been learning my lessons this year 🙂 and one thing became clear if some so-called friends have no issue in pouring their venom in my face I should have no second thoughts in plucking them out of my life. Cutting the cord with a sharp cut.

      1. I have been working all year on putting more energy into the people who are nice and supportive instead of focusing on the negative people. It takes a lot of work to retrain your brain to focus on the good things. I have seen a big change in my overall happiness. I am going to keep working at it this next year too. The squeaky wheel does not always deserve the most attention. I think in order to keep focused a little pruning in several areas of my life will be necessary. There are so many unnecessary distractions especially on the Internet!

  1. I didn’t read all of these articles, but if you want my two cents: I think people take friendships and relationships of all kinds a little too seriously. I see posts of betrayal and don’t understand why folks are so upset because a friend has wronged them. Giving someone a title doesn’t mean they’re going to be perfect at all times or that that particular relationship to the person is going to last forever. We’re all here getting through our experiences the best we know how and sometimes hurtful things happen, but it’s not the end of the world. I see relationships of all sorts as a series of (to use one of Mike’s (Zendigity’s) words) entanglements. We come together for a period of time, be it short or lengthy and go through a series of experiences. Sometimes they’re good and sometimes not so much but they’re all learning experiences. When it’s time to depart, people float away again until the next meeting, if there is going to be one. Getting upset and holding onto relationships is the best way to totally destroy any future connections with those people.

  2. I hope you’ve found a resolution for your recent difficult people experiences. Sometimes, it is worth wading through the muck, and other times, it simply is not. Even when you recognize it is time to walk away, it can be difficult to disengage.

    1. I think the biggest problem I am facing is the other persons reaction. I don’t want to hurt any feelings, but I also don’t want to put my time and energy into a black hole. Relationships aren’t always easy.

  3. I think it’s hilarious! Not hilarious as in HA HA but hilarious because as women for some reason we tend to over think or under think our situation and our friends.

    What I’ve come to realize the older I get the more I’ve come to realize that no matter what we just have to figure out where we belong. You can’t try and force something out if it just doesn’t work.

    Just accept it and move on.
    xoxoxo

    1. Judging the number of articles I found on the Internet I would say people in general worry about this topic. When you talk about your plans and goals with someone and all they do is tell you how they won’t work or why you won’t be successful it hurts. When someone takes your idea and claims it as their own that hurts too. This is not how friends behave.

      1. i think if you don’t consider the discomfort, there’s a chip missing. i don’t let people into my life so easily anymore; my feelings and my loyalty are a premium. the people i’ve let in who’ve hurt me have definitely taught me something about myself and that takes time. often, it’s with gratitude, eventually!, that i allow myself to say, “ok: lesson learned. s/he taught me that i tend to allow / experience __ type of people as a habit and that i will keep on learning the lesson until the lesson is learned.” this is a great comment thread, as usual, on your posts, LC. you have a nice community here. 🙂

        1. Thank you for this. I can see patterns in my behavior for sure. I tend to not be assertive enough. I also tend to overlook things because I can see why people are unhappy or struggling. I think sometimes I forget the importance of protecting my own peace of mind. Anyway, this will likely be a lesson I continue to learn. I feel lucky to have supportive friends like you! 🙂

  4. I hope you’re able to resolve your relationship issues in the way that’s most beneficial to you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong about feeling that you’ve outgrown a relationship, we’re all a work in progress. In order to grow we constantly must reassess and adjust. Don’t feel bad, move on looking forward to the next thing…

  5. red flags everywhere..Back when I was young like you !! I would of tried to work it out..But, now with wisdom …That friendship is toxic.. Take that friend right out of your life now..JEALOUS OF YOUR SUCCESS…PULL THE PLUG..No nice , nice..you need to continue on your positive path..no room for drama..It will kill your skills…You don’t need to explain to this person why..They already know.. Knife at the crime scene..Her stabbibg you in the back..Don’t dwell in it. like the other girl wrote..MOVE ON.. Love You Auntie xooxoxo

    1. Yes! Red flags all over the place. I can spot them well, but still learning what to do with them. I think you are right though. As I get older (and even just with having a child) I think my patience for nonsense has diminished. Life is short and it goes by quickly. You really have to choose how you want to spend it and with whom you want to spend it with – instead of just letting people happen to you. I am not going to dwell. Instead I am going to go paint and then make pie! oXoOXoOXx

  6. I admire that you wish to be nice in the way you end this painful episode, and I think it is important. But too often, what we think is nice, just confuses the situration when the real message is “Good Bye”. Please clear, be calm, be polite and be final. No need for recriminations – I agree – the other person already understands. You need to do this so you have closure and can move ahead without regrets.

    And you are absolutely right – they are jealous of YOUR own awesomeness!

    Treasure your true friends. This is sad, but make the end clean.

    1. Thank you for the encouragement. It is a little sad. I think we all just do the best we can! You are right though I need to be more assertive.

  7. I had no idea being “unfriended” on facebook is such a dramatic and important issue it has already a “how-to-deal-with-it” article…I don’t know if that’s too funny or too sad for me to handle 🙂 Other than that – ending a relationship in real life can be really hard. Most of the times its one person’s decision and the other just has to follow it. God knows I have been on the “worse” part more often but there was a few cases when I had to end some of my “friendships” for my own good. The only thing I know is that friendship never ends, so there is not such a thing like a “former friend” and if sth ends naturally you just grew up or changed, and there’s no need to ameliorate it.

    1. There are a million articles on the subject, well at least a 100! Probably because real life relationships and Internet relationships and long ago, far away relationships all kind of collide on Facebook. Sometimes the people I have known for years weren’t really friends at all, but just people I knew. Friends are chosen right? So many relationships we pick up in our lives are based on proximity and not on a shared affection for each other. I think this may make things confusing at times as well. I think the people who don’t have to worry about these things are lucky, but then I tend to worry about everything. I am interested in people and behavior so I analyze and ponder.

  8. I had both of these situations happen to me in my twenties – one friend who was always negative and could never be happy for me and another who I was never good enough for. The friendships never really ended, we just stopped talking to each other. Then about 8 or 9 years later, actually through the magic of Facebook, I reconnected with both these women, and I’m so glad. We had to have a break to grow up. Regardless, I think I will have different expectations for both these friendships from now on. It’s sad that some people are just so unhappy in their own lives that it reflects on those around them. And some people never change, so what’s the point?

    1. People do change over time. I have had similar experiences with drifting away from people and drifting back. I think space and time can do wonders for people!

  9. I’m super impressed by the amount of research you did on this topic. It is definitely not easy to unfriend someone, and it’s even harder to decide whether to do it in the first place. Fortunately, I find that most of the relationships I’ve had that weren’t working sort of ended naturally, just because we’ve gradually drifted and gone our separate ways. But it’s definitely hard when it comes to the point where you have to cut someone out of your life.

    1. I can tell you that I am not good at it. I don’t want to cut people out. At the same time I want to protect myself. So far I have just started limiting what I share with this person. For example, I won’t be sharing any of my ideas unless I am OK with this person taking them as their own. I have learned my lesson on that one.

  10. sorry you’re going through a rough patch because if this! I guess the person is jealous of your success! I am a firm believer of Eleanor Roosevelt myself: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission! In other words, I don’t really care about some one’s opinion about me, especially if is not substantiated by evidence. I could care less if some one unfriended me or unfollowed me!

    1. I envy your ability to not worry about the opinion of others. I would probably feel sad if i were unfriended and so it makes it hard for me to unfriend someone else without careful consideration and lots of waiting to make sure it is the right decision. I am certainly a work in progress!

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