I don’t have any words today. I’m blank and numb and sad and tired and scared. It’s been a strange weekend. I’ve stayed off of the Internet for the most part because I couldn’t keep reading and watching the horror. I couldn’t take the debates and discussions and analyzing. Usually, this is what I do to process things: I research, engage, write and storm out of the gate fueled by anger and caffeine. I sympathize and empathize and sometimes I wave my proverbial pitchfork in the air. This time was different. I was too busy keeping our life normal. I didn’t want to scare Tiny-Small so we played dress up and made cookies. I didn’t watch the news in front of her or cry in front of her or listen to the radio in front of her…don’t talk about it too much in front of her! My mom spent the weekend with us. We did our Christmas things that we do every year. We found some comfort in our traditions. We all kissed and hugged Tiny-Small too much and probably annoyed her. We played in her toy kitchen and pretended to eat plastic eggs. We glued candy onto cookies with frosting. We watched the chickens cluck and peck and lay their eggs.
So, I don’t have any words and I haven’t written anything about what happened last Friday. Maybe I will in the future. Maybe I will find my voice. I don’t know for sure. I do know that right now I can’t seem to formulate sentences that make sense or say something with meaning or contribute to the discussions going on around me in any way that would matter. I am just too sad. So, all I can offer you are pictures of our “normal” weekend spent with Memé. This is what we did to pass the time. We slowed things down and breathed in deeply and…we ate a lot of sugar.
Thoughts On Colorado (this applies here too).