I Don’t Have Any Words

I don’t have any words today. I’m blank and numb and sad and tired and scared. It’s been a strange weekend. I’ve stayed off of the Internet for the most part because I couldn’t keep reading and watching the horror. I couldn’t take the debates and discussions and analyzing. Usually, this is what I do to process things: I research, engage, write and storm out of the gate fueled by anger and caffeine. I sympathize and empathize and sometimes I wave my proverbial pitchfork in the air. This time was different. I was too busy keeping our life normal. I didn’t want to scare Tiny-Small so we played dress up and made cookies. I didn’t watch the news in front of her or cry in front of her or listen to the radio in front of her…don’t talk about it too much in front of her! My mom spent the weekend with us. We did our Christmas things that we do every year. We found some comfort in our traditions. We all kissed and hugged Tiny-Small too much and probably annoyed her. We played in her toy kitchen and pretended to eat plastic eggs. We glued candy onto cookies with frosting. We watched the chickens cluck and peck and lay their eggs.

So, I don’t have any words and I haven’t written anything about what happened last Friday. Maybe I will in the future. Maybe I will find my voice. I don’t know for sure. I do know that right now I can’t seem to formulate sentences that make sense or say something with meaning or contribute to the discussions going on around me in any way that would matter. I am just too sad. So, all I can offer you are pictures of our “normal” weekend spent with MemΓ©. This is what we did to pass the time. We slowed things down and breathed in deeply and…we ate a lot of sugar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Β Thoughts On Colorado (this applies here too).

29 thoughts on “I Don’t Have Any Words”

  1. You aren’t alone! I too have been silent πŸ™ I just haven’t known what to say and i’ve been so heartbroken that it’s difficult to even get myself dressed, let alone type my thoughts into something that makes sense. Adorable cookie pics by the way πŸ™‚

  2. But as the news was unfolding on Friday I was a little disappointed that you either scheduled tweaks to go out or you were just ignoring the news. Your twitter stream was filled with laughter while I was crying. I thought maybe you didn’t read the news yet. I was pretty disappointed about how you conducted yourself.

    1. Sometimes, the world needs laughter.

      In no way do I mean to lessen the blow of this tragedy, but… if every time tragedy struck, the world needed to stop, the world would never move. Tragedy happens around the world every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Sure, it’s not all published in the news. But it exists. It’s the laughter and LOVE that get us through. Not wallowing in darkness.

      1. Yes! I was just discussing this with some blogger pals. We have to keep On Carry On. What else can we do? We need laughter and love and hope. You are right. Bad things are happening by the minutes. All we can do is keep living the best we can.

  3. As you know, I don’t have kids but live fairly close to all of this. I’ve been struggling with posting on my own site. I have pictures of minis to share but somehow feel I should say a few words about this incident…. but I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to perpetuate misinformation and anger…. facebook has done a good job with that. But for some reason I feel that if I just start posting about usual stuff right away than I’ve done some sort of disservice. So my site sits for now. Maybe tonight.

    1. I can understand what you are struggling with. What is appropriate? My reaction was to be still for a while. I can relate to you letting your site just sit.

      1. I agree with Quirky Chrissy though. That’s part of the struggle. I search for accurate news and stuff like this happens all over and we don’t even know about it and if we did we may not care. I think I know how I’m going to address this on my site but I hope I don’t come off like a douche….

  4. i love the pics. so great and real: the hunkering and holding. that’s what we do. you broke your silence, so maybe in some way you are going to be freer than you were when you kept it all together. there is no time limit. but laughing is good.

  5. I understand. I did the same thing, not logging onto Twitter or Facebook, not wanting to hear the speculation, much less engage in it. I think your cookies and time with family look like the best response you could have.

  6. I’m still processing too. Everyone should be allowed their own space about this issue, no reason to be critical of others.

    1. I agree. Some people need to speculate. Some people need to avoid the speculation. I am not trying to criticize anyone. Just sharing my own personal experience.

        1. I realized that after I wrote my reply to you. Sorry! I am feeling…I don’t know. Sensitive maybe? Thank you so much for your support. I apologize for taking it the wrong way. I’m not as centered as I usually am. You are a sweetheart. I hope the same for your family.

  7. I feel you, I also have no words of comment, no opinion, nothing I could form into words…
    I love the pics, as usuall, especially the one with grandma (grandma, right?). Hugs from the other side of the ocean πŸ˜‰

    1. That is Grandma. She’s my mom. Her mom (my great grandmother) was French so we have some unusual names for people. Probably not even real French at this point. Thank you for understanding and for relating.

  8. Oh I’m with you, Lillian. You have no idea how many Cherry Hershey Kisses I’ve devoured in the last week. Let’s just say the boys will never have their stockings filled quite as intended.

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