I Choked On My Own Saliva

The other day I choked on my own saliva. I know, the word “saliva” is disgusting. At least it is to me. I can’t even think about it. The problem is I was tired and doing something that I can’t remember and then I choked on my own saliva. Who does that? Stroke victims, people with loss of muscle control, and moms who don’t sleep enough (I added that last one myself to make me seem more normal).

 

I choked on my own saliva.
I choked on my own saliva, but at least I’m not the only one.

 

The thing is, when you are married to a Speech Therapist you should never choke on your own saliva or on anything else for that matter. Choking puts them into work mode. It puts them into “I must save you from your incompetent self” mode. Luckily, Jim was not home when I choked on my own saliva. It was just me and Tiny-Small coughing in the bathroom together. Me having trouble breathing and her coughing in imitation or solidarity. After I coughed up my entire lung I was fine and the fact that I almost died right in front of my toddler became a funny story instead of one filled with horror and tragedy.

So, I made the mistake of telling my humorous story about choking on my own saliva to my husband when he got home from work. I mean, I had to tell someone. Also, it was the most significant thing that had happened that day. It was either that story or the one about how I matched the wrong socks together and Tiny-Small dumped water into the dog food bowl. That water in the dog food bowl story has been told so many times it’s like a rerun loop. If I was smart I would record my telling of that particular story so every night I could just rewind it and hit play for my husband. I am sure he would be very grateful to hear that story again and again and also be proud of me for saving my voice.

Anyway, I got lectured and instructed on how to save myself from choking. I was shown exercises that will strengthen my muscles. I was shown how to cough. I was shown how to do push-ups against the wall to strengthen my core. Stand like Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid and put your hands flat against the wall. Then push. I’m not kidding. I am well versed in how not to choke on my own saliva ever again. Maybe.

I have a feeling I will probably choke again though. I mean, it’s hard to avoid when you are thinking about other things like how to paint the feather of a humming bird or how to mail one of your paintings to France. These are real issues I am facing. These are serious matters to contemplate. These are the stories of my daily life. This is what I do and sometimes it causes me to choke on my own saliva.

 

24 thoughts on “I Choked On My Own Saliva”

  1. I am not sure if we can put it under “deathly threats category”, too but I often stumble over my own foot…:) I love the painting at the end, really optimistic but not too joyful – just perfect! 🙂

    1. You know, there was a moment where I really couldn’t get much air in. It was pretty scary. I stumble over my own feet too. I’m accident prone in all of the best ways possible.

  2. I do it too! But you won’t catch me doing mr. Miagi push ups! It’s funny that he had an answer. My husband would tell me to stop acting like a fool and to get it together!

  3. Oh, dear! I do that quite frequently. It’s embarrassing, but I never thought it was a sign of real trouble. A pictorial tutorial of these saliva choking prevention exercises might be a good public service.

    1. I will have to ask him about that. I am sure he would be willing to show me where to get these exercises or let me photograph him. Stay tuned!

  4. You decribed it pretty humorously but I bet it must have been a bit scary!! Husband must have been stressed out too…..that usually happens to my husband too…I get a wonderful lecture!! That painting is awesome! Do you paint from imagination or do you have a scene in front of you?

    1. I paint from photographs, my imagination and from what is in front of me. I often mix them all together too if that makes sense! Yes, my husband often worries about the trouble I seem to get myself into!

  5. I’m glad you pulled through and rec’d proper training on how to save yourself! We will really need to get that trouble magnet removed ASAP. We need you here – blogging & painting!

    1. I used to be a funny writer. Lately not so much. Not sure what happened to my humor mojo, but I am hoping to find it again. When I reread this piece I wondered when I became so serious? I have to get back to my roots!

  6. Entertaining and well-written but ENTIRELY UNINFORMATIVE article. Choking on a tiny drop of saliva happens to me several times a year. My throat closes completely. I usually try to relax even though I think I’m dying, and after way too long I squeeze in a tiny bit of oxygen and am able to cough just a little but this process continues for 3 or 4 minutes that seem like hours. So it’s a serious thing not a funny story you tell to your husband.

    Worst part is that you say he told you how to avoid it but you don’t bother to include that part in your story. In other words NO HELP AT ALL.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *