Communication: Is It Important For A Marriage?

People always talk about the importance of communication in a marriage. Sometimes, though, it’s the miscommunications that get the most laughs. I’m starting to realize that Jim and I spend a lot of time talking to each other, but often have two totally different conversations. They usually go something like this:

Me: I can’t get these pictures on Picasa 3 to make a collage.

Jim: What should we have for lunch?

Me: It’s so frustrating!

Jim: I was thinking of making a pizza.

Me: If I don’t get these pictures to turn into a collage my blog isn’t going to look right.

Jim: What pictures?

Me: The pictures of my paintings.

Jim: What does that have to do with pizza?

Picasa 3: Driving people to drink since 2012.

OR

Jim: Did you hear about what happened when Obama said blah, blah, blah, and then Romney did wah, wah, wah? Wasn’t that funny?

Me: *silence* Oh yeah, funny.

Jim: Did you hear what I said?

Me: Something about Obama and Romney…it was funny.

Jim: Were you even listening?

Me: Um, well, I was reading this blog here….

I didn’t choose these photos. Picasa 3 strikes again.

OR (On the phone)

Me: So, my mom said she could get Saturday off so she could go with us to Albuquerque.

Jim: Yeah, I was thinking that too.

Me: You were?

Jim: Ok, chicken is fine.

Me: What?

Jim: I could grill it.

Me: Can you hear me? I’m telling you my mom is coming.

Jim: What? I can barely hear you. I’ll stop at the store for the chicken.

Me: Hello?

Jim: Ok, bye!

 

Picasa 3: 3, Me: 1.

I don’t know what kind of communication style we have, but all of this mismatched conversation really removes the ability to have an argument. I mean, even if we had an argument, it probably wouldn’t be over the same thing at the same time anyway. I think we are going to be married for a very long time. If we are, I am totally writing a few new self-help books like Ignoring Your Spouse For a Happier Marriage and Cell Phones Drop Calls Improving Marriage Satisfaction Overall. I’m going to be rich!

 

Find my marriage amusing? Read more about it here: I Want To Win A Gold Medal In Bed Making or here: Calling The Plumber Just Might Save Your Marriage.

29 thoughts on “Communication: Is It Important For A Marriage?”

  1. Is it “parallel communication” or just “not really listening bc we’ve heard it all before?”. 🙂 The same thing happens in our house, except I talk so much that I often don’t realize my husband isn’t responding appropriately. And then, days later when whatever I was talking about HAPPENS, he’s like “What? Why are we doing this?” and I’m all “I TOLD you about this three days ago! Weren’t you listening?” and he’s all “No. You talk so much I usually tune you out”. I swear thats how I got him to marry me … I entered a wedding contest before we were even engaged with what I THOUGHT was his permission, only to have us win a few months later and then be like “Uh … honey? We won that wedding contest I was talking about” and he was all “What wedding contest?” and so on and so forth. The prize we won? Our actual wedding, in Mexico. So, yeah, we got engaged a few weeks later. All thanks to miscommunication and my constant chatter.

    1. My husband is the same way. We can have conversations and make decisions and a week later he has no idea what I am talking about! It’s funny sometimes and maddening others. We spend a lot of our time laughing about it. We also both talk to ourselves. Out loud…hahha! It helps us think I guess, so sometimes we don’t even know if the other person actually wants a response. Throw a kid into the mix who is also constantly chattering away and we’re a group of goof balls bouncing off of each other. At least in public people will think we are talking to each other, right?

      I can’t stop laughing about your marriage. What a great story! I read your comment to my husband and he LOVED it! He’s jealous of your free wedding in Mexico…haha!

    1. i have a thing: when i say something to my dearest, he immediately says, “what’d you say?” and i used to repeat myself and halfway through the repetition, he’d answer me. so he heard me the first time. he just … didn’t focus??????? i’ve given up: i don’t repeat myself. i wait…one….two… “oh, it’s in the shed.” and then i get my answer. marriage: it’s not for the hearing enabled.

      1. We went through that phase too! I did the same thing. My husband will say “what?” when I am only one word into the sentence. I think he does that to give himself time to think!

  2. My husband and I are usually trying to catch up on our days during the hour I am home before he leaves for work. Occasionally he calls while he is at work, but honestly, I don’t get too invested in the conversation because frequently those end with, “Crap, honey, I’ve got to go. Love you.” Click. 14 years and going strong. Must be okay. Ha ha.

  3. Rick and I are the same way. He is always asking me if I’m listening and most of the time I’m not. lol I’m terrible. I will answer like I’m listening but I don’t hear a word he’s saying until he stops and asks me what he just said. Then I’m caught! lol

    1. I think when you have been married for a while so many of the conversations become repeats. You start to get a short hand where your brain fills in the details, but when the details change you miss them. How many times do you discuss what you are having for dinner? The days start to run together a bit.

  4. I guess I am going to be the one to absolutely disagree. A marriage completely falls apart without meaningful and honest communication. After being divorced twice, I can tell you the lack of authentic communication destroys a marriage, from the inside out. My husband and I now, make time to have meaningful conversation every evening before we go to bed. We discuss anything that may be bothering one another, we talk about bills, make important decisions, discuss travel, our marriage or anything else that comes along. Also, on the weekends we make time for the bigger conversations. I am urging you, that if you do NOT do this, to start. It is important for your marriage. I would rather talk to my husband about the important stuff in life than anyone else I know.

    1. I agree with you, Cynthia. We schedule (we have to schedule EVERYTHING) time in to actually talk where we are both listening. We don’t do it in the evening because talking about finances never helps us sleep well. With my husband working second shift and my daughter being so young it is not easy to find that time every day. So much of it happens early in the mornings or on the weekends. The rest of the time it’s hectic and rushed and goofy. My husband is my best friend and so that makes it easier for us to laugh at our dysfunctional moments. We laugh often. it’s the only way we can survive the day-to-day.

  5. It’s all from the perspective of the spouse, for sure! Hubs would laugh and say that’s exactly what I do, which is of course false. It’s totally him 😉

  6. I love this! My husband and I had a great marriage before I got pregnant. Communication has not exactly been our strong suit since. I think we need to do a bett job of adobting your marriage communication style.

    1. Having a baby changes everything. We don’t have someone babysit very often so we have very little “alone” time unless you count sleeping. Then it’s just like an Olympian effort to stay on top of everything that needs to be done. It’s almost impossible to do everything you are supposed to do let alone want to do. I keep hoping it will get easier!

  7. hhhahah!!! One of my older friends, when asked the secret of her successful marraige, said ‘to stay the hell out of each others’ way’!! Looks like this is on the same lines!! :))

    1. I think for that kind of advice I might have to start charging a fee…hahha! I am not the person you want to get suggestions from. I need help myself.

  8. Haha!! That’s great! This happens all the time over here. Except, I usually don’t realize it till later when he has no idea why guests are knocking at the door for a dinner that “we” had been planning for a month! Haha!

      1. I guess the Internet gods are happy with you today! It’s so annoying when it doesn’t let you comment. I have that happen to me frequently too.

    1. I wish I could forget half the stuff I heard. Some people seem to have a talent for that. Me? I remember the entire conversation and obsess over it long into the night!

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