I Want To Win A Gold Medal In Bed Making

I know nobody hands out gold medals for bed making, but they should because I want one. I’m not an exceptional bed maker by any means, but I deserve some credit. The other day Jim wanted to go to bed and I was right in the middle of doing some blog related work. The bed was not made. I was, at that moment,  washing the sheets. He decided to make the bed himself. It went something like this:

Jim: I want to make the bed. Where are the sheets?

Me: On the shelf under the towels.

Jim (moments later): Where are they? I don’t see any.

Me: You know where the towels are?

Jim: Yeah?

Me: They are on the shelf below the towels.

Then there was some grunting and sighs of exasperation. Then some shuffling around and doors opening and closing.

Jim: Are you sure? Because I don’t see any.

Me: Go in the bathroom. The towels are on that shelf next to my closet.

Jim: I know where the towels are.

Me: Are you standing in front of the towels?

Jim: YES! I can see the towels.

Me: OK, look down.

Jim: Oh, I see the sheets now.

Then I heard some moaning and groaning like he was stretching for an Olympic event or something.

Jim: None of these sheets fit. They are all too small.

Me: Really? That’s strange. Get the cream colored ones. They will fit.

Jim: Cream colored?

Me: You know, kind of off-white, like a beige?

Jim: I don’t see any that color.

Me: They should be right there.

Then I hear more grunting and groaning and a few swears thrown in for good measure.

Jim: I can’t find the cream colored sheets and none of these other sheets fit.

I go upstairs and get the sheets and hand them to him and then hurry back downstairs to finish what I am doing. It’s quiet for a while.

Jim: These sheets don’t fit either. They must be Queen size. I can’t get them on.

Me: Those sheets fit. Trust me. Just put them on the bed.

Jim (after more grumbling): Never mind. I’ll just sleep on the bed without sheets.

Me (GIANT sigh): I’ll be right there.

So, I go upstairs and put the sheets on the bed with one hand. I did it one handed just to prove a point. I know, I’m a jerk, but I had to show off a little bit. I mean, the house has become my domain. I might as well flex a little muscle, right? Plus, Jim has a Master’s degree. He was in the Army. How can he not know how to make the bed? How has he managed to live in this house for over a year now and still not know where the sheets are kept? These are questions I will likely never know the answer to. That man is a mystery.

The worst part is, even though I made the bed with one hand and never got a gold medal, he still managed to steal all of the blankets from me in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I wonder when we became such a stereotypical “Old Married Couple” but other times it really is just too funny and I can’t help but laugh.

Still, I want to win a Gold Medal in bed making.

17 thoughts on “I Want To Win A Gold Medal In Bed Making”

  1. Any man that I've ever lived with never knew where half the things were in the house. I wonder if some men wander around in a fog until they get to do something that interests them. Everything else sifts through the wide mesh of the brain.

    1. Sometimes I just think he is faking his ignorance to get out of doing something, but in times like this one it was so clear he wasn't. He really wanted to make the bed. It's amazing and strange.

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