I’ve been singing Christmas Carols to Tiny-Small since before she was even born. I love Christmas, but most of all I love Christmas songs because they are the only ones I know all of the words to. I am also obsessed with rewriting the lyrics so the songs are about loved ones, pets, and non-holiday topics. When I was pregnant with Tiny-Small I literally rewrote “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” as “Abey The Red Nosed Dog Boy” and all of the other reindeer were our pets names. As in, “You know Rumples, and Rosie, and Mik-Mok and Yoda-Booda, but do you recall the most famous doggy of all? Abey the red nosed dog boy had a very shiny nose….” Yes, I realize I might be certifiable, but being pregnant gives you license to do all sorts of weird things. Besides, sometimes you run out of age appropriate things to talk about with your protruding belly and singing is the next best thing. The Christmas jingles are a little catchy and I’m a little crazy so all’s well that ends well. My husband gives me a hard time about it, but he puts up with me. The reason I am writing about it now, in April, is that Jim has somehow managed to outdo me on the off season Christmas cheer.
I recently went through all of Tiny-Smalls clothing and packed up the outgrown stuff and labeled all of her drawers with words and pictures so she and her dad could find clothes for her to wear when I was in the bathroom, in the shower, or out of ear shot. I was really just trying to reduce the number of times my name was called on a daily basis. I didn’t want to run down stairs just to point to the drawer her socks were in and then as soon as I got to the top of the stairs have to turn right around and run back down again to show Jim where her pants were. Anyway, I thought my plan was brilliant and that the pictures would help Tiny-Small learn too.
One day soon after, we were all getting ready to go on an outing of some kind. Probably to a restaurant for breakfast or something. Jim volunteered to get Tiny-Small dressed. The next thing I know she comes out of her room wearing candy-cane striped pajamas with a giant reindeer head on her chest and, of course, her ruby, red Dorothy shoes. I was stunned. It was March and she was wearing Christmas attire and possibly even worse they were also pajamas. I gave Jim the look that women give their husbands when they want to say swear words, but can’t. Jim looked at me innocently and said, “What? You don’t like the outfit I picked out?” I was shocked. He had no idea! I told him she was wearing pajamas and didn’t he happen to read the words on the outside of her drawer and see the picture? He just stared at me and blinked. Then I said,”She’s wearing Christmas pajamas.” Jim shrugged. He didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. I was wondering how come my Christmas carols were out of season but Tiny-Smalls outfit was completely appropriate. Tiny-Small pointed to the reindeer on her chest and said, “Loco.” Yep, that about summed it all up for me. Jim said, “See, she likes it. Besides, she looks really cute.” I started singing “Jingle Bells” and got the glare. Jim just doesn’t get my taste in music and I don’t get his fashion sense. Not agreeing on everything Christmas is what makes this family go ’round.
A few days later Jim dressed Tiny Small in shorts (I have no idea where he found them because they were about 6 months too small) and a tank top. Well, the shorts only came up a little past her knees and Jim kept chasing her around trying to pull them up complaining the whole time that her pants were too short and too tight. I finally got a hold of her and realized what he was trying to dress her in. I was speechless. I told him, “Those aren’t pants those are shorts.” He looked confused and said, “Really?” At this point I began to think he was pulling my leg, but soon realized he wasn’t. All of my drawer labeling had been in vain. In fact I am almost certain those shorts weren’t even in any of her drawers. I have no idea where he could have found them. I just hope I never have to leave Jim and Tiny-Small alone for too long. If I do it will be like attending a New York City fashion week event. Except, there won’t be much talent involved and Tiny-Small might be wearing a dress for a shirt and her old shorts for a hat with Easter Bunny slippers, a shamrock pin and Christmas doilies around her neck. Yeah, well, she’ll fit right in around here!